No more Lookits, I promise

I know that my non-knitting blog followers are probably getting heartily sick of my incessant knitting-related posts. So I'm done. For now. Unless I knit some booties for a friend's baby, but everyone loves baby booties, right?


I feel like I need John Cleese in here to say, "And now for something completely different."

I love John Cleese. He's definitely my favorite of all of the Monty Pythoners, Eric Idle included. I just heart him. Don't you? All things Monty Python make me laugh. He was just the best at it.

Do you know who else I love? Super Grover.

I wish Super Grover would fly into my house once in a while. I could use his superpowers! I especially love the lightning bolt behind the letter G on his chest. I wonder... is that a tattoo? He's not wearing a shirt...

Finally, let me tell you about one more thing I love:

Peanut butter balls. These aren't mine (mine are better looking and darker, as I use dark chocolate), but you get the idea. I made 48 of the little buggers last night, and all but about a dozen are gone. A dozen each went to two co-workers of Bear's another dozen went into Bear, Snake, and I, and another dozen are at home. I use Reese's Peanut Butter and Hershey's Special Dark chocolate... it creates a rich, decadent treat that isn't too sweet. I serve them chilled.
Hungry yet?

~Amalia~

PS A quick update on my pregnant friend - she is still pregnant, although she has been having some troublesome bleeding. Mostly, she's overdoing. A doctor's appointment this week should tell her more. I think she will have to quit one of her two jobs. The baby is doing well, though, and growing like a weed. It has doubled in size from one ultrasound to the next! Keep it up, Baby. Only 27 more weeks to go.

A third Lookit

It's Election Day!

And no, I'm not going to tell you who to vote for, or even pressure you into voting period. I am excited about voting this year, though - it's the first presidential election where I will be voting FOR someone instead of AGAINST someone. I wanted to vote right after school, but Bear is making me wait until he gets home so we can vote together. Grrr. I haven't turned on any election coverage, so I don't know who's winning (if they even have any idea yet). It's easy to get burned out on the coverage, I think. Don't you agree? Too many experts, too little valuable data.

I have the next two nights off from Rite Aid, so I'll be able to get a bit of my household work done - Alice, dishes are at the top of the list. So is vacuuming the livingroom and working on the laundry pile. After that, I think I will knit some. I need to get a lot of knitting done these next couple of days, because I'm getting some more fiber soon to spin into yarn (a silk, wool, merino, and bamboo blend), and since it's a new hobby, I'm totally obsessed with it. If I work *VERY* hard the next two weeks on T-Licious' shawl, I may be able to get it done. It's past time, really.


I know that I haven't been good about commenting on others' blogs recently, and I apologize. I love comments on mine. Please know that I am reading you and loving you, even though I'm not commenting. I will try to do better.

~Amalia~

It's November!

It's November in the Bear household. That means that over the next 30 or so days, I'll be doing the following:

• Voting (Election day is tomorrow - get out and VOTE!)
• Giving a presentation at an inservice day at school on 11/7
• Finishing my twelve-day stretch of working at least one job every day
• Staying home from school on 11/11, Veteran's Day. I will call my daddy to thank him.
  
• Completing the winterization of the house by putting plastic over our drafty windows
• Updating my Christmas list
• Begin shopping for Christmas gifts for my family and Bear's
• Getting a new-to-us fridge from Bear's Godparents
  
• Visiting my brother and sister-in-law
  
• Finishing T-Licious' wedding shawl (it was supposed to be done 10/11)
• Figuring out what Bear and I are doing for Thanksgiving
• Going to my friend Caitlin's wedding
• Knitting my entrelac scarf
  
• Working, working, working

It's the last item that's been the toughest lately. I haven't had a day off since October 26, and won't until November 8. I feel like when I type it, it doesn't sound so bad, but the reality is that I can't get anything accomplished at home because I'm working so much, and if I'm not working, I'm too tired to do anything. There are dishes by the sink that have been waiting more than a week to be washed. The floor needs vacuuming, the laundry pile is bigger than I am... there's a lot that needs to be done. Sometimes I'm so overwhelmed I just sit down and look at it all. I don't know where to begin! I think I need someone to tell me what to do first. Then maybe I could get something accomplished.

~Amalia~

PS A reminder to Bear - we need to pick our favorite photos to be made into 8x10s tonight to tell your aunt.

Lookit what I made, part II!

These are two pumpkins I carved yesterday. The first one is pretty traditional - I used a pumpkin carving kit and template. It's pretty cute. The second one was my husbands idea - if you are a fan of KoRn (the band), you'll recognize the little figure on my pumpkin and the band logo behind it. It took me about three hours to carve this one! I cut out the logo backwards in the backside of the pumpkin so that when the candle is in it, it glows on the wall behind it. The figure in front (the unhappiness doll) is actually the peel of the pumpkin - I shaved out around him with a lemon zester so that the white part of the pumpkin was exposed. That allowed it to glow like it does. Click on it to make it bigger. I am SO PROUD OF THIS PUMPKIN! It is yet another example of how together, Bear and I make awesomeness happen.

Lookit what I made!

Some of you may remember me mentioning that I knit. Well, I have decided that knitting isn't enough - I want to make the yarn that I knit with. So I learned! Using a *very* simple tool and a bit of wool that has been cleaned, carded and dyed, I made this:

Sorry for the blurriness. As you can see, it's a pretty thick yarn. So I went online and asked around and watched videos until I had learned enough to make a thinner yarn, and ply it against itself to make it a regular yarn. Here's what I came up with:

Isn't it pretty? It isn't a lot, but I'm hoping it will be enough for a headband. I'll post picks when I am done making it. I really am having an awesome time with this new "craft." Does anyone else make things? Are you as obsessed with it as I am?

Mixed Blessings

Several years of trying.
Two years of fertility treatments.
Month after month of hoping and praying, only to be disappointed again.
Becoming resigned to never being a mother.
Being diagnosed with colitis.
Losing weight rapidly, unable to eat much.
One doctor appointment after another.
Many different medications.
The first period in two years.
Starting birth control, because new meds cause birth defects.
More weight loss, more pain.
Nausea.
More doctor's appointments.
Diagnosis:
Pregnant.

Congratulations, Amanda, on this new adventure in your life. I know you're scared and thrilled and panicked and blissful all at once. If there is anyone who can handle this, it's you. So as you wait the thirty-one more weeks you must until you meet your little one, know that I (and so many others) are pulling for you.


FYI: At nine weeks, the baby is doing well, and there don't appear to be any problems. Amanda is seeing an ob/gyn who specializes in high-risk pregnancy. We're keeping our fingers crossed and hoping that all of our good wishes will help produce a healthy, happy baby at the end of May.

The day that doesn't end...

Today will not end. I've been at school all day, forever, an eternity... and I still have more than an hour to go. This day has sucked from the get-go and hasn't gotten any better. I'm tired of administering testing (which I do the whole month of October), I'm tired of kids not doing their homework, I'm tired of this one specific student that is a danger and a threat to others not being expelled as he should be. I'm just tired. I have to work at Rite Aid tonight, and then get through Friday before I can relax. I don't know if I'll be able to do it. Yesterday I had detention duty (which due to a faulty calendar I didn't know about), so I had to drive 75 mph to get to job #2 in time. I'm lucky I didn't hit a moose. I haven't gotten the mail this week, I haven't washed any dishes, I haven't done a lot of things. I'm rapidly becoming overwhelmed.

Some More, 'Cause I can.

How Cute Are We?

Oooh, do I have a treat for YOU!

I had Saturday off from work. It was a beautiful day - the sun was shining, the air was crisp. Bear and I left the house early - me in my pajamas, nursing a coffee and nibbling on some monkey bread we brought with us - to scout out the foliage at Katahdin Iron Works, a local forest/campground/mountain/former iron works area. We found some pretty spots, even though the foliage here in Maine is past peak. We drove back home, squinting from the sun gleaming off of the frosted grass and trees. We changed, I straightened my hair, and we left again. This time we brought some more clothes and picked up Bear's aunt. A photographer. We went back to KI (as it's called by the locals) and stopped at the first of several picturesque locations.

And had our pictures taken.

We haven't been photographed since our wedding, and have no "normal" shots of the two of us. We remedied this yesterday. 115 shots, and they were all awesome. I will be posting several of my favorites this afternoon. Maybe you could help me decide which you like best?

~Amalia~

Best. Timesuck. Ever.

This is the best little timesuck I've ever had the pleasure of becoming addicted to. Enjoy!

~Amalia~

A moment of Altruism

So I was cruising around the internet this morning and came across this. You can win it if you put a comment under the post, and earn a few more by blogging about it and putting the banner on your blog (as I did, because I want it). Good luck!

Here!

For all my wedding extravaganza photos, follow the link to my Flickr account. Enjoy!



~Amalia~

Wedding Post #1

Dear Mark and Tara,
Congratulations. You did it. You got through all of the planning, drama, and surprises and were married in a beautiful ceremony by the sea at sunset. You spoke vows you'd written yourselves and shared your love for each other in front of all your family and friends. Some of those friends shared words they'd written to honor you. We all celebrated your love along with you, enjoying good food, better dancing, and the best people. Through the day, your love was as brilliant as the foliage around you. You were beautiful. You are beautiful.

Congratulations.

Love,
Heather

I'm gonna kill her.

Swear to God, I fucking HATE my mother.

No, really, I mean it.

Yes, I do.

Hate.


My mother can aggravate me more than any other person on the planet. No one has the ability to take me from placid to enraged in under six seconds like she does. The latest fiasco, you ask?
I am a plan maker. Especially when timing is tricky. Like this wedding week extravaganza that I'm leaving for tonight. Different things are planned for every day, and the timing of each has been tricky to coordinate. Thursday, for example, I am supposed to meet my parents at the tux rental place at nine a.m. so Daddy can make sure his tux fits, and I can get mom's gift for Tara and the cupcake holders that I need for the bridal shower cupcakes. The bridal shower is at 11:30, so I'll have to be there by 11:00 to get things set up. That doesn't leave a lot of time for doing what's necessary and getting from here to there.
I just got an email from my mother saying that she is "sending Daddy to get his tux noon-ish. He will give you the gift for Tara and the cupcake holders then." WHAT?! That's too late! What the HELL?! We had a plan, it was perfect. Then Mom screws it up. She does this All. The. Time. I sent her an email back that said, "Um, Mom, what happened to you both being there early in the morning? I NEED to have the holders and gift BEFORE 11:30 as that's when the shower starts. I'm kinda FREAKING OUT HERE, MOM. Help!"

I texted Bear, frantic.

What am I going to do?!? I kept thinking. Tara's sisters are going to KILL me.

Thankfully, Bear came to the rescue, as he so often does. He called me and told me to tell Mom that we would stop by her house on the way down tonight (it's about ten miles out of the way, but whatever) and pick up the holders and gift. That way we know we have them and can avoid any problems on Thursday. It sucks because now I won't get a chance to see my dad until Saturday, but I've got to do what's best for Tara. I hate that Mom gets out of having to work around someone else's schedules as always, but I should know by now that she is not trustworthy. Gah! Jesus, she freakin' pisses me off! Anyone ELSE have a horrible mother story to share and make me feel better?

Scrambling for purchase

You know in action movies when characters are climbing a rock face and they are hanging on by their finger and toe tips to some sheer face, a moment away from falling to their deaths? Yeah, that’s kind of where I am right now. Not a literal rock face, because how could I type this to you if I were? Rather, a figurative rock face. The rock? My emotional state. The fall I’m worried about? Depression.

For the last several weeks, I’ve been struggling against the fall of depression. I have been unaccountably sad for no easily discernible reason for weeks now. I’m near tears for most of each day, and have to blink them back at least twice daily. Why? I’ve been asking that question a lot lately, trying to find out why I’m on this rock face and how to get the hell off of it. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

Saturday, Bear went with his friend A to Southern Maine for the day. He’s been friends with A for years (long before I met him) and they haven’t had much of an opportunity to hang out lately. I had to work Saturday, so I couldn’t go. I thought I was okay with them going – why wouldn’t I? Well, Bear and A have history, complete with italics. A is a girl. A girl whom he has intimate knowledge of. That thing you’re thinking? Yeah, they did that. I know it was years ago, I know it was “no big deal”, I know that my husband is trustworthy. I am a confident woman who is assured of her place in her husband’s heart. And yet Saturday morning when I woke up, I felt sick. I kept wondering what they were doing, where they were at that moment, if she looked particularly good that day, if he’d worn the cologne that drives me crazy (he did. I’m not sure what to make of that). I was devastated, almost as if he and A were doing something they weren’t supposed to, as if it were a foregone conclusion. It was apparent to me that despite my saying so, I was not okay with them being alone together. I tried so hard not to let Bear know. I tried so hard not to be that girl who doesn’t allow her husband to hang out with women. I trust him, so what was the deal? I don’t know. I still can’t figure it out. After he got home and I got home from work, I still wasn’t okay. Two days later and I’m STILL not okay. Last night I basically forced him to have sex with me, but didn’t get what I was after. In my mind, it felt perfunctory, like he was doing it to shut me up or placate me or something. If Bear is reading this right now, he’s pissed. Because he doesn’t operate that way. He doesn’t have a dishonest bone in his body and he’s quite rightly pissed right now that I can think like this. I don’t blame him – all of my issues are in my head. I made them up. The issue with A? Nonexistent. Obligatory sex? He would never do that. So what the HELL is my issue? And why can’t I get past this? If I can’t figure out the answers to these questions, things are going to get bad fast between us. If I keep looking at him and wondering, what if, I’m going to drive him away.

Secondary to all this, Bear and I are heading to my brother’s wedding. It is a five day extravaganza and will be the first time in over a year I’ve had this much time off. Bear wants to spend time together, just the two of us. So do I. Unfortunately I have obligations (I’m a bridesmaid). And my obligations get more complicated and involved as I get closer to this trip. I feel like this trip is going to disappoint Bear. I have developed an intense anxiety about disappointing him. And, just like the situation with A, it feels inside as though it is a foregone conclusion. It’s a desperate feeling, and it’s one I cannot shake. It feels as though I’m losing my grip on the rockface and I don’t know how to keep from falling.

Scratch that

I had a post going about laundry, of all things. Upon re-reading it, I realized how boring it was so I deleted it. You're welcome! Instead, I thought I'd fill you in on my Christmas list. Yes, I've started it. Hasn't everyone?

• First, there's this, which will take my knitting to the next level.
  
• While we're on the topic, I'd like to try one of these, too (it's for spinning fiber into yarn).
• Of course, then I'll need some fiber to spin (the example is just that - I'm not picky about composition or color).
• When I'm not knitting, I love to read. This would make reading much more economical! Well, I would at least make up the cost of the thing with the cheaper book prices.
• My truck, Burke, deserves a gift, too, don't you think?
• There's a bunch of other stuff on my list, too. Just take a peek here, would you?

What do you want for Christmas? No asking for world peace or love of family, either - I want your Id to tell me what STUFF you selfishly want this year! Cheryl, Alice - I'm talking to YOU.

~Amalia~

Don't Judge, just vote.

I need your help. Don't judge. Don't question - just vote. Go to www.badknitgirls.com and click on my banner (Boutrosbabe, the first one). Yes, I knit, yes, I have a tattoo, yes I'm a dork. Just vote for me, okay? Thanks.

~Amalia~

Apple Bread, anyone?

I made apple bread yesterday. It is a quick bread (no yeast required), so it took next to no time to prepare. I did have the help of my beloved Bear and Kitchenaid Mixer, which I admit helped. When the hour went by, this came out:

Doesn't it look yummy? It isn't as sweet as I'd thought it would be, but there's no sugar in the recipe so it makes sense. I plan on making it again this week, and may add a bit of brown sugar to the recipe to heighten the flavor. I'll probably make several loaves to share with people and use up some of our apples. We still have probably 15 pounds after two pies, a loaf of bread and a big bag given to Bear's aunt and uncle. If my brother and T-licious decide to visit us before the wedding next weekend, I'll have to give some to them, too.

Bear and I had an awesome day yesterday, despite working the whole day and getting off to kind of a shaky start. We both woke up grumpy because we were forced to sleep in the guest bed Saturday night. Why? Because we got a ton of rain this weekend, and when it rains the roof leaks ONTO my bed (it drips down the light fixture - not a good situation). So Saturday while I was at work, Bear pulled the light out of the ceiling to avoid an electrical fire and put a bucket on the bed to catch the drips. Sunday morning we went to breakfast because we were too tired to cook and because we desperately need to get groceries. While there, we discussed what to do. The conclusion we came to is that we would have to switch bedrooms. This is not an easy task. Our bed frame alone weighs over two hundred pounds (Bear made it out of hardwood lumber). There was a huge chest of drawers we had to remove, two bed sets, etc., etc. We did it though. We worked for about six hours and got everything moved around. What is now the guest room is still a complete wreck, but we can't really put it together until the roof stops leaking anyway. Our new room looks amazing. It will take some getting used to, but so far, I like it. I'll have to take pictures to show everyone. Throughout the day, I kept expecting Bear to get frustrated (or for me to). but we maintained good humor the entire time and spent much of the day being affectionate and cuddly. I love when that happens! It made what could have been a stressful day a delightful one.

Love.

~Amalia~

Grammie Ruth's Apple Pie

Here you go, Alice, as a reward for running! And because I told you I would.

Grammie Ruth's Apple Pie

Filling:
6-8 apples (macs and cortlands work best), peeled and sliced
1/2 tsp. salt
1 cup sugar
4 Tbsp. flour
1 &1/2 tsp. lemon juice
sprinkle brown sugar
1 tsp. each cinnamon and nutmeg

Mix well and put in crust. cover with second crust. Cut slits into top crust for venting. Bake 1 hour in a 400 degree oven. If crust browns too quickly, cover loosely with foil.

Crust:
2 & 1/4 cups flour
1 cup Crisco shortening
1 tsp. salt
1 egg, beaten
cold water

Beat egg and place in a 1/2 cup. fill almost to the top with cold water. Blend into the flour/crisco mix until all is just mixed. Pull out onto floured surface and knead until almost smooth. Roll flat with rolling pin. Makes top and bottom crust.

My gram is famous for using very few directions... it took me a while to figure out how to cut each crust out. enjoy the challenge!

~Amalia~

Email me if you need help! boutrosbabe@hotmail.com

Hi

Just a short post this morning, since I will be posting my grammie's apple pie recipe for Alice laster this afternoon. I'm also going to make Apple crumble. We picked 32 pounds of apples, remember? Since Alice is a newlywed, she deserves a killer pie recipe to wow her husband with.

Maybe another time, I'll share Gram's international favorite Dog-Turd Cookie recipe.

Just don't tell her I called it that. That name isn't the one she uses with company. She is horrified by the delight I experience in calling them that. To the rest of the world, they are called no-bake cookies.

I like my name better, don't you?

~Amalia~

Morning.

I don't have anything particularly witty or entertaining today. Sorry. Life has been busy as always (is there anyone in America who thinks they have enough time for all they need to do?), but nothing major is going on. The truck is fixed, $560 later. We had to use all the money we had saved for M and T-Licious' wedding, so we are back to square one there with only two and a half weeks to go.
We went apple picking on Saturday after I got out of work, which was a good time. I baked two apple pies, but didn't manage to take a picture of either one before they were gone. One went to Bear's aunt and uncle, the other went into our bellies. Yum! We picked thirty-two pounds of apples, though, so no worries - I'll make another one. If you really kiss my ass, maybe I'll post my grammie's secret pie recipe. I even make the crust! Well, sometimes I do.
I went running on Friday and it was good, although I have lost all the stamina I once had. I was up to 43 minutes of straight running, if I remember correctly. I ran six straight minutes on Friday before I had to take a break. The cooler air sets my lungs on fire. I need to toughen up! I am planning on running again tonight, and I'm shooting for seven straight minutes of running. Friday I ran 6, walked 2, ran 5, walked 3, ran 3, walked the rest. I'm kind of ashamed of myself, actually.
I've been knitting like a madwoman lately to complete one of the four knitting projects I have to complete before Bear will allow me to buy any more yarn. I wish at times I only had one job or I could knit while driving, because it takes SO LONG to complete a single project! I always find ten projects I want to do before I ever finish the one I'm working on. I've completed ONE of the four projects so far, and am about 35% through this one. Sigh. Wish me luck! Actually, kick my ass and make me knit, won't you? I respond much better to ass kicking than ass kissing. Damn.

That's all that's going on in my world ... sorry it isn't more exciting. What's going on with you?

~Amalia~

I TOLD you there was a silver lining!

After 34 days of waiting (I said 33 yesterday, but I forgot that August has 31 days in it), I finally got my new sneakers. It is a good thing, too. Here are my old ones:

See the giant holes under my big toes? Yep. I wore these poor things OUT! It didn't help that I wear them to school and Rite Aid a lot, either. My NEW sneakers will be JUST for running. Look at how pretty they are:





What do you think?

Okay, enough.

Okay. Two days of ceaseless bitching has taken its toll. I needed to vent (I'm probably not done venting yet, actually), but tonight I'm mostly waiting for the upswing. After things suck, they get better, right? I sure could use some of that right now. My truck is being repaired by a mechanic I trust for a *much* more reasonable rate than the other place quoted me. My mechanic, Mikey, is sweet and trustworthy (if you can get past the fact that he likes to show his penis "Duke" to everyone), and is saving me quite a bit of money. I'm so grateful to him right now, he could show me Duke right now and I wouldn't even mind. I'm that thankful.
My sneakers came today - thirty-three days after I ordered them. I will be taking and posting pictures of them tomorrow. As soon as I get home tomorrow, I'm going to run. And I'm going to KEEP running. Until I feel better. Until I can't run any more. Until my head clears and I'm in a better place. Because I need to be. Because I want to be.

All I have to do is get through tomorrow. If I can make it to 3pm, I'll have made it. Made it to the weekend and made it home. I just have to get to 3pm. Wish me luck!

~Amalia~

PS Thanks to all who offered words of encouragement... it was noticed and appreciated.

Shit, Shit, Shit

I shouldn't have complained. Because as bad as yesterday was when I blogged, it got a HELL of a lot worse. Since I last blogged:

• My truck broke down. On my way to my inservice training.

• I sliced my hand open with a box cutter at Rite Aid. Kinda bad. Like, hurts every time I move it bad.
  
• This morning, after calling the garage, I find they want to charge me $500 JUST for parts to fix the damn thing!!!!!!! It just needs a fuel pump and sender. It CAN'T cost that much. Oh, and the best part? That's just the price for the PARTS. That doesn't even cover LABOR.
  

I FUCKING HATE MY FUCKING LIFE!!!!

Can you believe it happened AGAIN?

Okay, so I'm not done with the Finish Line fiasco - I'm still waiting for my shoes. Hopefully they will be at the post office today. If not, I'm going to be ripped. I am waiting for another package, though... this one from Borders. It hasn't arrived yet, either.

Grrr.

On both packages, I listed my PO box as my shipping address. NEITHER website had a problem with this, or bothered to mention that they use UPS and Fed Ex instead of the good ol' Postal Service. Crap, crap, crap. Finish Line lost my package before it could become a problem. I haven't heard from Borders yet. Why don't websites say who they ship through? I figured if it wasn't listed, it came via regular mail. MOST companies will tell you if they can't ship it to the address listed. These two? Nope. So now I have no sneakers and no book.

It's gonna be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.

Finish Line, Shoe Puveyor from Hell

I ordered new sneakers on August 15th. I ordered them from Finish Line, because they had free shipping and I didn't want to drive three hours South to get them from the one store in Maine that carries them (Finish Line doesn't carry them in their stores. Go figure).

I STILL do not have them!

UPS lost the package in New Jersey, a trace had to be put on the package, yada yada yada... I've been dealing with this for weeks. I'm so fucking FED UP! I just want my FUCKING SNEAKERS. I haven't run in over a month because my current sneakers are so crappy they hurt just to stand in, let alone run. I am calling Finish Line again today - if they don't give me my sneakers, they can go fuck themselves and give me my money back. I HATE them.

Assholes.


Arg!

Saw it and had to share

Does anyone else think this is freakin' HILARIOUS?

I have a person!

Do you know what I did yesterday? I spent the day with my two most favorite people - my husband and my sister. Okay, so she isn't my sister technically. But I'm closer to her than I am to most of my family, so I say she counts.
Bear and I went to Houlton where T-licious (her new nickname per her request) is living now to spend time and eat. And eat. And eat! Have I mentioned that T-licious is Italian? Homemade artichoke dip, minestrone soup, stuffed shells with tomato sauce... rich, decadent, delicious, amazing food. I'm up three pounds over yesterday. We ate, and laughed, and talked, and snuggled. We caught up on what was going on and I (at least) got my fix of the woman who has become a vital part of me. I finally understand for the first time in my life what it means to have a sister. What it's like to have someone know what you're thinking without ever having to say it. To know that no matter what comes, no matter what the world throws at me, she will be there at my back. Loving me. Because we're sisters.

Have you ever watched Grey's Anatomy? If you have, then you know that early on in season one, Christina tells Meredith that she is Christina's emergency contact. "You're my person," she says. That means something. It means that nothing is allowed to be in between the two of them - it's full disclosure, full support, full... everything. It goes beyond mere friendship. T-licious is my person. I love having a person and I love that it's her.

T-licious has two other real-life sisters who I'm sure would be unhappy if they saw this blog. to them I say, "Tough!" I am totally selfish and am keeping her for myself. They've had her for more than twenty years. I just got her. You can ask for her back in a couple of decades -
-but I'm not giving her back.

~Amalia~

Food pics (For Alice and Eileen)

Be warned - these things taste MUCH better than they look, which means they kinda look like crap. Taking photos for a cooking magazine will never be one of my jobs. Here's the Alaskan Blueberry Coffee Cake:
Obviously I need to grease the pan next time. I don't just bake, you know. I make my own trail mix, too. This one has almonds, pine nuts, chocolate chips, coconut, and organic granola:
The best snacks, however, have always been made by Little Debbie:
~Amalia~

Okay, here they are! The promised pics

Cow. Okay, so it's a moose, but it's a GIRL moose, and we call them cows. Doesn't seem very nice, does it?

Bear's birthday pile. Notice its absurdly minuscule dimensions.

My husband. Isn't he a dreamboat? I heart him. So much.

My sweet truck. His name is Burke. I heart him, too.

Yup.

Briggs doesn't just sleep WITH her brother... she sleeps ON him, too.


When he's not around, she sleeps like this. Looks like it hurts, doesn't it?


Flowers from my yard. Anyone know what they are?


Alice - I haven't forgotten you want pics of my food. I'm making the Alaskan Blueberry Coffee Cake in a few minutes, and will post pics of of it tomorrow.
Sorry, Fox, no sexy pics. There's always next time, right? ;-)

Phew!

My little gecko must be the luckiest little guy on the planet. Not only did I find him alive and well yesterday (he was pretty thirsty, but otherwise fine), but that's not his first miraculous survival.

Yesterday when I got home from school, I headed straight to the bathroom (it's a long drive, okay?). My hellcat Briggs was in there, staring very intently and unmoving at something underneath the washing machine. I knew it might be Shota, so I shushed Briggs out of the bathroom while I finished up, and then grabbed a flashlight and laid on the floor to look under there. Ever looked under your washing machine? I don't recommend it (*shudder*). No Shota. Hmm. I was about to mark it up to Briggs being crazy, then had the thought that I might as well check behind the washer while I had the flashlight handy. I stood up, leaned over and shined the light. Down there, on the floor, in the back corner, I could see... something. It might have been Shota's tail; it might have been a sliver of an old pizza crust (I told you not to look there!). I reached for a nearby mop handle to poke the thing and see if it moved, but in the second I looked away, it had disappeared. Yes! I thought. Shota is under the washer. I shut the door to keep the cats out and went to my other job, since there was no way I could move that washer by myself.
When I got home, Bear informed me that Shota was still in the bathroom but no longer under the washer - he was on the towel stand. He'd apparently given Bear a good approximation of a glare from his new perch when Bear went in there upon coming home that evening. Bear was not about to try to catch him (he's not a fan of things that crawl), but was willing to help me guide him to a container. We went in to the bathroom, located my dearest little guy, and without too much trouble got him into a temporary tub so that I could tote him safely to his regular cage. We got him in, watered, and fed him without any drama. What a relief!

Thank you for your concern, all of you - I appreciate it. I will post pictures from the weekend tomorrow, as I promised you on Friday. I took LOTS of pictures (including an absolutely adorable one of Bear).

I

Oh, Shit.

I took pictures this weekend, and was going to post them. I still will, but today I need your help:

Shota has escaped.

Shota is my crested gecko. This morning when I woke up, his spray bottle and another bottle had been knocked off the shelf next to his cage (likely perpetrator: the cats), and his cage door was wide open. Shota is nowhere to be found. I'm shitting bricks. If he's alive, he could be anywhere. If he's not... well, then I need to find his remains. I really, REALLY hope he will go back into his cage when he tires of his jaunt; I don't hold out much hope of that happening.

Poor little guy. I'm sure he's scared witless.

~Amalia~

PS The pic above isn't him, but it's what he looks like. Will you let me know if you see him? I'd really like him to come home!!

Ahh, Friday...

I love Friday. I get to wear jeans to work, I wake with the knowledge that tomorrow I get to sleep in, it's Horny Day (!), Bear gets out of work a half-hour early, and I can stay up late because I don't have to get up at 5:45am to get ready for school. Friday pretty much rocks. I have a lot of plans for this weekend. Here's what I'm doing:

1. Taking a slew of pictures to post for my blogger friends. What do you want to see?
2. Laundry. I hate it, but it's almost caught up. I need to get it done!
3. Baking. Cookies, some sort of blueberry dish (coffee cake? Crumble? Crisp? Muffins?), even a baked ham. Okay, so it's baked hamsteaks. Close enough.
4. Mowing the lawn one last time. Maybe.
5. Playing with my cats. They have been neglected lately.
6. Sex. As much as possible.
7. Sleep. Ditto.
8. Apple picking? Hint, hint, Bear!!

What are your weekend plans?

Thanks, Alice

Alice from Wandering Wonderland asked what I was looking forward to this Fall. Since I've been so down about school starting up again and hating that summer is over, I thought it would be a good exercise. Here's my list:

• Football.
  
• Apple pie.
  
• Early morning sun gilding the night's frost.
  
• Scarves.
  
• Mittens.
  
• Pumpkins.
  
• The crisp breeze that blows just enough to make fallen leaves dance wildly.
  
• My brother's wedding.
  
• Tara becoming my sister.
  
• The anticipation of the first snow.
  
• Apple picking.
  
• Wearing socks to bed.
  
• Big sweaters.
  
• Wood fires.
  
• The brilliance of autumn foliage.
  
• Early sunsets.
  
• Love.

What are you looking forward to this Fall?

Happy Birthday to You...

Today is Bear's BIRTHDAY!
Happy 25th, Baby!
I know you don't get excited about your birthday, but I do - because I love you, and I love any excuse to spoil you. Unfortunately, our financial situation makes any real spoiling out of the question, but there's always next year for those Patriots tickets, right? :0) I hope you are able to enjoy your day and accept that there are so many people who love you and who want your day to be as special to you as you are to them. You are the child that your village raised, and they are so proud of the man you have become. Let them spoil you a little bit today, too, won't you? As for me, today is the day I get to celebrate the birth of the man who has made me happier than I have any right being, who has shown me what true love is. Happy Birthday, Baby. Thanks for being here.

I love you,

~Amalia~

School

Today was my third day back to school, and the first one with actual students. It was only the handful of freshmen I have here today, but at least it was something. I have to tell you, this year has started out even worse than I anticipated.

First and most frustrating is the $820 or so of MISSING school supplies that I ordered and that were approved in the budget. Where are my things? What happened to the money for those things since I don't have those things? What is FREAKING going ON?!

We have a new principal, which is both good and bad. I think he is going to be a much stronger and upfront leader (we may actually know what is going on this year), but he has no idea what the last principal did (namely to the aforementioned supplies). I am going to cross my fingers that things go well. What else can I do?

I am being forced to pay union dues as though I were a full time teacher instead of a half time one (which I am). what was $186 taken out of my salary this year is now going to total $500. Oh, and when I mentioned that I may just drop out of the union altogether, I was "strongly encouraged" to stick with it, since my "name had come up on a couple of occasions in confidential meetings." That's code for: someone's trying to find a way to screw you, so you'd better cover your ass. Fabulous.

We have no contract right now, and probably won't until January or February. The payscale is frozen, which thanks to my increased union dues actually means I am making LESS money than I was last year. I am not surprised, but I am frustrated.

So where does all this leave me? I'm not sure. I don't know what I am going to do with my students yet. I am hoping against hope that they will be my saving grace this year - that they will be sweet enough or at least good natured enough to get me through this. If the kids are bad, too, I will have a hard time finding the strength to make it through this year.

I wish I had better news for you all. I will try to blog again tomorrow once I've had an actual day of school with all of my students. I hope it will be a good one!

You know what I think?

• I think that life isn't fair.
• And that chocolate shouldn't be fattening.
• And that no matter how hard I try, I'll never live up to my expectations.
• And romance novels are a cruel trick, because the men in them don't freaking exist!
• Even if they are hot.
• And even if I am way better in the sack than the heroines are.
• Way better.
• And that it doesn't matter how much or little sleep I get, because I will always be tired when I wake up.
• I'd make a great romance novelist.
• If I could write.
• And I could totally be discovered by a music executive if I sing in my car with the windows open, really loudly.
• and that finally, finally (!) I have fan-fucking-tastic hair.
  
• Especially right before I have to go to bed.

~Amalia~

What is it about this time of year? What is it about the end of summer and beginning of a new school year that depresses the hell out of me? Why am I so dissatisfied with everything while simultaneously unwilling to do anything about it?
Shouldn't I be excited to go back to school? No see my new students, to do what I'm good at? I'm not. I don't want to go back at all. I will, because it's my career and I chose it, but honestly, I'm just tired of it. Tired of all the bullshit and politics that go along with it. Tired of being screwed for no advantage, no purpose. Just tired.
Shouldn't I be happy that my paychecks will get bigger? That I'll be able to pay my bills more easily once I'm making what I usually do during the school year (I take a 50% paycut in the summer)? I am a bit relieved, but I can't seem to muster a whole lot of enthusiasm. There are still more bills than dollars, and no ability to pay them back.
That's it, really. I can't muster enthusiasm. It's like I'm drained. Incapable of feeling any great depth of emotion. I get irritated easily, but not for long. I get despondent often, but it doesn't last. Most of the time I just feel resigned. Like there's nothing I can do about my job, my home, my relationships. Like the summer, I feel like the best of all those things might be behind me. It sucks. But that's what I have been feeling now for weeks. Maybe things will get better after school starts. It did last year. Maybe Tara's being here will mean I am infected with her enthusiasm for life and my foul-mood funk will dissipate. Maybe my money woes will magically disappear and I will be able to have things and do things as I want.
Maybe I should just join the Border Patrol and see if that fixes anything.
Too many maybes, and I don't have the energy or desire to investigate them very far. I guess I'll just keep putting one day at a time behind me, and hope, somewhere, the sun will peek through.

~Amalia~

Race Pics

I came in 76 out of 84, and my time for the 3.1 miles was 33:10 (a personal best). I have LOADS more to work on, but it was a start.

Meditations While Running

I've been running a lot lately. Last May, when I began running, I thought I'd soon be canvassing the countryside in my sneakers, a long, lithe shadow that crossed great distances with ease. The truth is a bit less glorious: I'm up to just under 3.5 miles of running at a time, and run it in about fourty minutes. While I know have a long way to go before my reality meets up with my vision, I have improved greatly since May, and I've learned a lot. There isn't much to do while running except keep putting one foot in front of the other and enjoy what's around you. I've also found that I have a lot of time to think. About life. About my relationships. About my dreams, failings, personality quirks, disappointments, joys, and more. I thought I'd share with you what I've been pondering as I've been out running.

• My mind is the weakest of all of my organs. It wants to give up long before my body does. If it can, it will quit before I even begin. I am finding that I often sabotage myself. On the rare occasions that I don't give in to its strident demands that I stop trying, I feel amazing afterwards. Why can I not remember that before I run or eat that seventh piece of chocolate?
• The reason I run, the reason I have lost all this weight is not for my health. It's for my beauty. I have this deep-seated need to be adored. By my husband, by my friends, by strangers. I am losing my youth, and there isn't a lot I can do about it. But I can look good for my age. I can look my absolute best so that I can get the second glances and turned heads. I want people to envy my husband, to think he's a lucky bastard for coming home to me each night. I'm not there yet (I don't know if I'll ever be there), but I am getting closer.
• Nature really is beautiful. Raining, muggy, sunshiny, windy, and more, each time I go outside I see something beautiful. It seems that the only time I'm ever outside is when I'm running. I am growing to love my time outdoors. Even when it's hot.
• My cousin Holly is a runner. Has been for years. I am thinking more and more about emailing her and asking her how to improve my running, how she manages to find time in her busy schedule. It's funny becuase when she started to run, I thought she was a bit crazy. That it was way too hard, and few if any people can be successful at it. She won her last 5k for her age bracket. I'm competing in my first race tomorrow.
• When I moved to Brownville Junction a few years ago, no one new me. Then word got out that I was Bear's Girlfriend. After we were married, I was known as Bear's Wife. Then I started working at Rite Aid and became The Girl Who Works at Rite Aid. The other day I was identified as The Girl Who Runs All the Time in Brownville. I'm okay with that. More than okay.
• I don't think I will feel like I'm a *real* runner until I can routinely run five to ten miles at a time. I'm not even at four miles yet.
• I wish I had someone to run with. A man, so I don't have to compete in the looks department.
• I need new sneakers.
• Stretching, it turns out, really IS important.

I'm off to do that now.

~Amalia~