Wednesday, December 02, 2009


Malaise: noun. A vague or unfocused feeling of mental uneasiness, lethargy, or discomfort.

That's where I am right now in several aspects of my life. As I type this I am in my classroom. It's my prep period so I have no students and although I have plenty to do, I do none of it and instead sit in front of the computer and browse the internet aimlessly. I just can't get excited about anything here at school. While my students are in class we have a good time. I began the Greek play Antigone with them this week, which I enjoy. But as soon as they drain out of my room, my energy and motivation drain right out with them.

I should be printing up the names for school's secret santa (which I am the default organizer for this year. Not sure how that happened!), or correcting narrative summaries. But really? Meh. I could care, but I don't.

Work at job #2 is going the same as always, which is to say that I have a good time once I'm there, but I resent how much it takes me away from home. Especially after having so many days off with Bear last week. I hate being apart from him more than ever. Soon we will be having extended holiday hours, which I know will make my resentment worse. Bear was an absolute sweetheart and did the grocery shopping last night so that I don't have to go out again tonight. I'm so happy he did this! That man totally gets me. I great big puffy heart him!

I have not decorated for Christmas yet. I really need to get the house cleaned up before I do any decorating. Bur really? Meh. There's a mountain of laundry to do, the kitchen table is buried, and the livingroom floor is in desparate need of vacuuming. I find little motivation to do any of it. Maybe I'll force some of it today. Maybe.

The only part of my life that still excites me is the fibery part of it. Christmas knits are coming along, my fiber business is doing well, and I've been having success in spinning, too. That's all I want to do these days is spin, knit, and dye fiber. I've been wanting to start several projects for me, too, and finish some others that I can't until holiday knitting is done, including writing a few knitwear designs. I think next year I will be focusing on one Christmas knit a month so that I don't have a bunch to do at the end of the year like this year. It's a lot less pressure!

I'm hoping that I can snap out of this malaise. I'm hoping that the more I accomplish, the better I will feel, and that it will get a happy streak started. Anyone want to help me out?