Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Getting into the swing of things

So I've been working at my new school for about three weeks.  It's both better and worse than I expected.  The school itself is better - the kids are terrific and the staff is doing some really neat things, curriculum wise.  In this school I'll be able to work together with other teachers, which I wasn't able to do before.

Being by myself in the apartment completely stinks.  I am afraid of the dark so every night I have to sleep in a position that allows me to see the door and also see my nightlight.  I had to move the nightlight three times to get it in a place that lights the room without keeping me awake.  Every noise wakes me up, and sleeping alone is ... well, it's lonely.  I am so much more at peace with Bear around.  I worry constantly about whether my locks are locked and if someone is trying to look in my window.  I have no tv and no internet (internet comes on Thursday) so I have nothing to distract me from my neuroses.  I can dye fiber and yarn for the business, but there's only so much I can do in a day.  Hopefully once I have the web I can skype with Bear and my friends, but until then I'm just completely isolated.  It's not what I wanted, for sure.

It sounds like I'm having a miserable time and I'm really not - like I said, there are good things happening here.  But my emotions are up and down and all over the place because I miss Bear so much it hurts.  I live for the weekends, when I can go home and just hang out.  Just *be* there, next to him, where I feel most at home.

Is it summer yet?


Fox In Detox said...

Hang in there, kid. What you're doing is very difficult...but hopefully the end result will benefit you both. Skype will definitely make things a little easier.

Alice said...

I'm so proud you're making hard decisions that will benefit you guys down the road. SEnding you a hug and hopes that it gets better. And there is nothing wrong with living for the weekends.:)

Sange said...


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