Tuesday, August 07, 2007

Caring(?) for Bear

Bear had an appointment for a physical this morning. It's his first physical in over four years and he only made the appointment because I made it a condition of marrying me. I want him to live a long time, and he can't do that if he doesn't know what state he's currently in, right?

I'd also half-expected to go along to his appointment with him. In my last relationship, I went to every doctor and specialist appointment, going right into the exam room with my ex. He wanted me there for moral support, I guess, as well as to remember everything the doctor told him. He could never remember on his own. I didn't consider it my right or an obligation - it was just something I did. There were times I wished I hadn't gone - every prostate exam he had, for example - but overall, I was just glad to be included.

Bear didn't want me to go to his physical. He reasoned that he didn't need me there for anything ("all they're doing is taking some blood and getting my blood pressure,") and the rooms are apparently too small for three people. I understood the logic, truly I did, but I guess I was still kind of... hurt. No, that's not the right word. I felt left out. A small part of me worried that he was going to "forget" to tell me something, like that the doctor wants to put him on a diet or exercise plan (he's overweight). How would I ever know? I was also worried that he might mention a problem to the doctor that he hadn't mentioned to me. Didn't I deserve to know? I am his WIFE, for crying out loud!

Eventually, I had to let it go. I had to remember that Bear isn't my ex; he's capable of managing his own life without my interfere-- I mean, help. And really, turn about is fair play - do I want him to invite himself along to my pap smears? *shudder* (and before you ask, yes, my ex did - I made him sit by my head.) I just needed to trust Bear, to remember that he is different from men in my past.

That's why I married him.


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