Monday, February 04, 2008

From my other blog...

Sometimes I don't realize how eating affects my mood. At least, not until it happens. I ate well all last week, got down under 170 for the first time in two years, felt awesome. Felt like this was a battle I could win, WAS winning. Then I went to my parents' house overnight. Stopped tracking. Stopped fighting. Ate like a madwoman. We went to my favorite restaurant. I didn't have any sides or salad with my bacon and cheddar covered baked haddock, so I could save room for dessert - peanut butter mousse pie with an oreo cookie crust. It was heaven. I shared as little as possible with my husband. Scarfed almost the whole piece. Weighed myself this morning - up almost two pounds from Saturday morning. Pissed. Disgruntled. Crushed with twin weights of dissapointment and irritation at myself. Was the pie worth it? No. Did I learn my lesson? In all honesty, probably not.

I'm back on the wagon again, and I am determined to be back under 170 soon. But I'm feel like a fox who's shewed off her own foot to escape from a trap only to realize that now I can't walk. Futility. Anger. Disgust. That's what I'm feeling this morning. I sabotaged myself. No one to blame but me.

1 comment:

Alice said...

Love your blog! Thanks for visiting me at mine. :) I saw your comment on my looking for marriage tips, but when I went to the link I couldn't find your story...maybe I didn't look far enough?? I'm dying to read it. And I will definitely be checking in with you b/c I'm in the throws of trying to lose a little weight (preferably before my wedding, but definitely just because I need to) and it's nice to know someone else is in the middle of the battle, too!