Phew.

at the end of last week, I was as stressed out as I've ever been in my life. I cried three times just at school, and that night Bear and I talked, and I said that I have reached the point where I'm not looking forward to the wedding. At all. All I want is for it to be over. Trying to figure out how to pay for the photographer has been driving us crazy! We talked about how it was going to happen at least ten times a day. It seemed everyone was freaking out about the [very] few things I really want. Bear was shocked when I told him it will cost about $100 to have my hair highlighted. Scroll down to the pictures below to see how much hair I have. I called around, and $100 is the lowest bidder. I want to have a manicure and pedicure, too. I don't feel like I should feel ashamed or guilty about it. But I did, and I felt terribuly guilty about the amount of money the photographer is costing us, too. You see, Bear and I don't have any money - our savings account has exactly 0.22 in it right now. Everything we have bought or are buying is on credit. The only thing we are paying cash for is Corrine (photographer). Bear has worked fourteen days straight, pulling fifty-five hour weeks to make extra money. I agreed to work the week school vacation starts to have an extra $400. I don't think I'll get it until after the wedding, but that money will still come in handy.

I was at the end of my rope. But then, Snake (Bear's best friend) came through for us. He is going to loan us the $800 we still need to get Corinne paid for. He's getting us the money this week! Hallelujah! We will be able to pay him back with the money we make at the wedding. But finally, after weeks and weeks of freaking out, there is a solution. Bear feels a thousand times better than he did and was able to sleep for the first time in a long time. How am I? I'm still not all starry eyed, but at least I'm not crying any more. There's a lot still to be done, but they are smaller in cost and importance. I will still be glad when it's over, but at least I'm not dreading the day like I was. Did anyone else feel this way? Last Friday I was thinking to myself, "If I could do it all over again, NO WAY would I EVER choose this route." Now I'm back on the fence about it. That's an improvement, right?

~Amalia~