Thursday, September 24, 2009

Seek and Sometimes, Ye Find

I've made no secret about the fact that I am unhappy at my current teaching placement. I've been wronged by administration here several times and now am having to adjust to being in the first grade half of each day. I am not ashamed to admit that I am struggling. Some days it's not so bad; others I'm near tears.

After the fabulous weekend I had with Bear recently, I did not want to go back to school. My body was almost physically resisting having to go back. Whenever I thought about the approaching Monday, my muscles would lock. Monday night Bear asked me how my day was. I just looked at him, replying, "It went. It's over now. That's all I can ask right now." I could tell he was unhappy with my answer, but I wasn't going to sugar coat and I'm not known for keeping things inside. As a consolation, I said, "Newport posted a HS English position this week. That's pretty unheard of, to post during the school year. I wonder what happened."
He raised an eyebrow. "You should apply," he advised.
"You think?" I asked. I hadn't considered that before. Changing a teaching job during the school year is almost unheard of. It simply isn't done, although legally it can be. I'm pretty sure that I'd have to give a 30 day notice before I could leave my current position, but would have to look through my contract (it isn't something I'm well-versed in).
Bear convinced me that I had nothing to lose: I was obviously unhappy where I was and the worst that could happen is that I wouldn't hear from Newport at all.

So I did. I filled out the electronic application and attached my resume, and yesterday mailed them my letters of recommendation and transcripts. I'm not really sure how I feel about this. I'm conflicted. Although I have heard very good things about Newport, it won't be easy starting over after the school year has begun, and there's such a risk in exchanging the devil I know for the one I don't. But I know I'm unhappy here. Ugh! It's difficult to see this situation at all clearly. So last night I crawled into bed and opened my current book for a little escapism before falling asleep.

And there it was, on the last page of the chapter I was reading:

"It's a hard thing to risk what you know and are sure of, just for the possibility of something better. Even when it's a pretty strong possibility and something that's a whole lot better."
I'm trying to take it as a sign.


Leslie said...

I wish you success in getting this position. There are many reasons for leaving -- and it's still the first month of school so it's not like you're going in in the middle. The person could have discovered s/he didn't like teaching, his/her spouse could have gotten a really good offer that meant they need to move. Years ago I got a job that began after Thanksgiving recess due to the teacher having cancer.

Insofar as your contract? Bull! You have two part time positions - leave as quickly as you can when Newport comes through.

Fox In Detox said...

I know how hard change is...I've been resisting it for years. I finally realized that the devil I knew was killing me...the devil I didn't know couldn't be much worse. I sold my condo, gave away most of my stuff...things I have been carrying around with me for 27 years...and moved 2600 miles away...from the devil. Haven't seen him since. :o)

You're doing the right thing. Once you let go of what you're holding on'll see it.

Yarn Tails said...

I am keeping my fingers crossed for you. I am very unhappy at the job I am at now, so I know how you feel. Hopefully I will be able to find a new job, but those are slim picking around here..

Good Luck Sweetie!!!!

Wonderful World of Weiners said...

No new blog post in 5 days???? What's up???

Hallie :)