Courtesy of Jenny from Roughly Speaking.
Writing prompt: What is not obvious about you?
Looking at my life from the outside, you'd never guess my deepest desire. Looking at me, you'd see that I'm an ordinary high school English teacher who works part time at a local pharmacy. I don't smoke or do drugs, I consume alcohol about once a month (and usually only one or two drinks in an evening), and I follow the rules. I wear my seatbelt. I use my blinker. I don't steal, cheat, or do anything I shouldn't.
But deep inside, I yearn to be different.
I want to be a kickass bitch who doesn't care about others, who does what feels good and fuck the consequences. I want danger to ooze from me, for people to pick up on it and make way for me on the sidewalk. I want to be dangerous.
I want to be badass.
My husband laughs at my pathetic attempts to become badass while still following rules - I'll wear my Korn t-shirt, but only under a high-necked sweater. I listen to rock music in my car, but still follow all traffic regulations. He loves me dearly, but doen't think I'll ever earn the badass label.
And maybe he's right. Because no matter how badly I want to be Gemma from "Sons of Anarchy" (the new show I am absolutely addicted to), I can't stop following rules long enough to accomplish it. I had very strict parents who would punish mercilessly any infraction. I learned from a young age that following rules kept one from punishment. It sounds as though I blame my parents for my inability to flout the law and those that uphold it, but the truth is that I like rules. I like knowing what I am and am not supposed to do. It gives structure to my life that otherwise I'd be lacking. It comforts me when I know that I'm not at risk for punishment.
I wonder sometimes what it would take for me to change.
Your turn: What is not obvious about you? Take 5 minutes and write it on your blog (or in the comments) and I'll be sure to read it. Thanks jenny for making me think this morning!