Running away.
Call it what you will.
I need to go.
I was driving to work this morning like any other morning when out of nowhere, I burst into tears. Suddenly, it was too much that I was going to work, that I was going to leave work at the end of the day and go immediately to my other job. That I will have to do the same thing tomorrow, and will have to be at work at 6 am on Saturday. This never-ending merry-go-round of jobs, chores, and obligations was suddenly too much, and I broke down. It doesn't happen to me often, but once I get to this point - this feeling that my life is an avalanche about to destroy me - I need to get away. Completely. To stop living my life as it is and do something totally different, even if it is just for a few days.
I hate getting to this point. I hate feeling like I am letting others down by taking care of myself. But seeing as how I'm in tears just writing this (while in study hall, no less), it's something I have to do.
The actual running away part is easy.* I know exactly where I'm going to go. The one place in this entire world where my soul is at peace. The place where I am calm, happy, in tune with nature and the world. It is Tide Mill Organic Farm - my aunt and uncle's farm in Washington County, Maine. There I will wake each morning to the sound of the ocean's tides. I will hear cows mooing and eagles' cries. I will hear the distant barking of seals and the honking of returning Canadian Geese. All around me I will feel the earth growing, and I will know that I am part of something larger. I will walk through fresh green hay fields and watch swallows build their nests in the barn. I will work the land alongside my cousins, helping wherever another pair of hands are of use. I will feel the warm sun on my face and will be renewed.
I will be home.
* Easy, yes, but soon, no. Due to my hectic schedule, I will have to postpone my trip until April 24-26. That's about five weeks from now. I will make it. I have no other choice.
6 comments:
Good for you. it's good to realize when you are overwhelmed and just need to get away. It happens to all of us.
All of us.
You are not alone.
I hope you find plenty of breathing room until then.
And there won't be a better time of year to be there - you'll practically be able to *hear* things growing!!! So exciting - hang in there, it will be worth it!
L-Unit says.... It's a must, must, must for my girl to take care of herself. Mental Health is very, very important. I love you and I say yes, yes, yes to the V-A-C-T-I-O-N! Hugging you~
At least you are listening to your body, even though you are putting your healing on a time delay.
If I wasn't getting ready for a show, I'd pop down there to hook up with you.
That sounds heavenly - what a neat place. I hope you feel better 'til then.
Good for you. I'm doing the same thing, but on April 1st. Virtual hug. You will make it.
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