Thursday, March 19, 2009

Escape Plan


Running away.

Call it what you will.

I need to go.

I was driving to work this morning like any other morning when out of nowhere, I burst into tears. Suddenly, it was too much that I was going to work, that I was going to leave work at the end of the day and go immediately to my other job. That I will have to do the same thing tomorrow, and will have to be at work at 6 am on Saturday. This never-ending merry-go-round of jobs, chores, and obligations was suddenly too much, and I broke down. It doesn't happen to me often, but once I get to this point - this feeling that my life is an avalanche about to destroy me - I need to get away. Completely. To stop living my life as it is and do something totally different, even if it is just for a few days.

I hate getting to this point. I hate feeling like I am letting others down by taking care of myself. But seeing as how I'm in tears just writing this (while in study hall, no less), it's something I have to do.

The actual running away part is easy.* I know exactly where I'm going to go. The one place in this entire world where my soul is at peace. The place where I am calm, happy, in tune with nature and the world. It is Tide Mill Organic Farm - my aunt and uncle's farm in Washington County, Maine. There I will wake each morning to the sound of the ocean's tides. I will hear cows mooing and eagles' cries. I will hear the distant barking of seals and the honking of returning Canadian Geese. All around me I will feel the earth growing, and I will know that I am part of something larger. I will walk through fresh green hay fields and watch swallows build their nests in the barn. I will work the land alongside my cousins, helping wherever another pair of hands are of use. I will feel the warm sun on my face and will be renewed.

I will be home.

* Easy, yes, but soon, no. Due to my hectic schedule, I will have to postpone my trip until April 24-26. That's about five weeks from now. I will make it. I have no other choice.


Alice said...

Good for you. it's good to realize when you are overwhelmed and just need to get away. It happens to all of us.

All of us.

You are not alone.

I hope you find plenty of breathing room until then.

Lori said...

And there won't be a better time of year to be there - you'll practically be able to *hear* things growing!!! So exciting - hang in there, it will be worth it!

Anonymous said...

L-Unit says.... It's a must, must, must for my girl to take care of herself. Mental Health is very, very important. I love you and I say yes, yes, yes to the V-A-C-T-I-O-N! Hugging you~

Carmen said...

At least you are listening to your body, even though you are putting your healing on a time delay.

If I wasn't getting ready for a show, I'd pop down there to hook up with you.

Jenny said...

That sounds heavenly - what a neat place. I hope you feel better 'til then.

Fox In Detox said...

Good for you. I'm doing the same thing, but on April 1st. Virtual hug. You will make it.