Lookit what I made, part II!

These are two pumpkins I carved yesterday. The first one is pretty traditional - I used a pumpkin carving kit and template. It's pretty cute. The second one was my husbands idea - if you are a fan of KoRn (the band), you'll recognize the little figure on my pumpkin and the band logo behind it. It took me about three hours to carve this one! I cut out the logo backwards in the backside of the pumpkin so that when the candle is in it, it glows on the wall behind it. The figure in front (the unhappiness doll) is actually the peel of the pumpkin - I shaved out around him with a lemon zester so that the white part of the pumpkin was exposed. That allowed it to glow like it does. Click on it to make it bigger. I am SO PROUD OF THIS PUMPKIN! It is yet another example of how together, Bear and I make awesomeness happen.

Lookit what I made!

Some of you may remember me mentioning that I knit. Well, I have decided that knitting isn't enough - I want to make the yarn that I knit with. So I learned! Using a *very* simple tool and a bit of wool that has been cleaned, carded and dyed, I made this:

Sorry for the blurriness. As you can see, it's a pretty thick yarn. So I went online and asked around and watched videos until I had learned enough to make a thinner yarn, and ply it against itself to make it a regular yarn. Here's what I came up with:

Isn't it pretty? It isn't a lot, but I'm hoping it will be enough for a headband. I'll post picks when I am done making it. I really am having an awesome time with this new "craft." Does anyone else make things? Are you as obsessed with it as I am?

Mixed Blessings

Several years of trying.
Two years of fertility treatments.
Month after month of hoping and praying, only to be disappointed again.
Becoming resigned to never being a mother.
Being diagnosed with colitis.
Losing weight rapidly, unable to eat much.
One doctor appointment after another.
Many different medications.
The first period in two years.
Starting birth control, because new meds cause birth defects.
More weight loss, more pain.
Nausea.
More doctor's appointments.
Diagnosis:
Pregnant.

Congratulations, Amanda, on this new adventure in your life. I know you're scared and thrilled and panicked and blissful all at once. If there is anyone who can handle this, it's you. So as you wait the thirty-one more weeks you must until you meet your little one, know that I (and so many others) are pulling for you.


FYI: At nine weeks, the baby is doing well, and there don't appear to be any problems. Amanda is seeing an ob/gyn who specializes in high-risk pregnancy. We're keeping our fingers crossed and hoping that all of our good wishes will help produce a healthy, happy baby at the end of May.

The day that doesn't end...

Today will not end. I've been at school all day, forever, an eternity... and I still have more than an hour to go. This day has sucked from the get-go and hasn't gotten any better. I'm tired of administering testing (which I do the whole month of October), I'm tired of kids not doing their homework, I'm tired of this one specific student that is a danger and a threat to others not being expelled as he should be. I'm just tired. I have to work at Rite Aid tonight, and then get through Friday before I can relax. I don't know if I'll be able to do it. Yesterday I had detention duty (which due to a faulty calendar I didn't know about), so I had to drive 75 mph to get to job #2 in time. I'm lucky I didn't hit a moose. I haven't gotten the mail this week, I haven't washed any dishes, I haven't done a lot of things. I'm rapidly becoming overwhelmed.

Some More, 'Cause I can.

How Cute Are We?

Oooh, do I have a treat for YOU!

I had Saturday off from work. It was a beautiful day - the sun was shining, the air was crisp. Bear and I left the house early - me in my pajamas, nursing a coffee and nibbling on some monkey bread we brought with us - to scout out the foliage at Katahdin Iron Works, a local forest/campground/mountain/former iron works area. We found some pretty spots, even though the foliage here in Maine is past peak. We drove back home, squinting from the sun gleaming off of the frosted grass and trees. We changed, I straightened my hair, and we left again. This time we brought some more clothes and picked up Bear's aunt. A photographer. We went back to KI (as it's called by the locals) and stopped at the first of several picturesque locations.

And had our pictures taken.

We haven't been photographed since our wedding, and have no "normal" shots of the two of us. We remedied this yesterday. 115 shots, and they were all awesome. I will be posting several of my favorites this afternoon. Maybe you could help me decide which you like best?

~Amalia~

Best. Timesuck. Ever.

This is the best little timesuck I've ever had the pleasure of becoming addicted to. Enjoy!

~Amalia~

A moment of Altruism

So I was cruising around the internet this morning and came across this. You can win it if you put a comment under the post, and earn a few more by blogging about it and putting the banner on your blog (as I did, because I want it). Good luck!

Here!

For all my wedding extravaganza photos, follow the link to my Flickr account. Enjoy!



~Amalia~

Wedding Post #1

Dear Mark and Tara,
Congratulations. You did it. You got through all of the planning, drama, and surprises and were married in a beautiful ceremony by the sea at sunset. You spoke vows you'd written yourselves and shared your love for each other in front of all your family and friends. Some of those friends shared words they'd written to honor you. We all celebrated your love along with you, enjoying good food, better dancing, and the best people. Through the day, your love was as brilliant as the foliage around you. You were beautiful. You are beautiful.

Congratulations.

Love,
Heather

I'm gonna kill her.

Swear to God, I fucking HATE my mother.

No, really, I mean it.

Yes, I do.

Hate.


My mother can aggravate me more than any other person on the planet. No one has the ability to take me from placid to enraged in under six seconds like she does. The latest fiasco, you ask?
I am a plan maker. Especially when timing is tricky. Like this wedding week extravaganza that I'm leaving for tonight. Different things are planned for every day, and the timing of each has been tricky to coordinate. Thursday, for example, I am supposed to meet my parents at the tux rental place at nine a.m. so Daddy can make sure his tux fits, and I can get mom's gift for Tara and the cupcake holders that I need for the bridal shower cupcakes. The bridal shower is at 11:30, so I'll have to be there by 11:00 to get things set up. That doesn't leave a lot of time for doing what's necessary and getting from here to there.
I just got an email from my mother saying that she is "sending Daddy to get his tux noon-ish. He will give you the gift for Tara and the cupcake holders then." WHAT?! That's too late! What the HELL?! We had a plan, it was perfect. Then Mom screws it up. She does this All. The. Time. I sent her an email back that said, "Um, Mom, what happened to you both being there early in the morning? I NEED to have the holders and gift BEFORE 11:30 as that's when the shower starts. I'm kinda FREAKING OUT HERE, MOM. Help!"

I texted Bear, frantic.

What am I going to do?!? I kept thinking. Tara's sisters are going to KILL me.

Thankfully, Bear came to the rescue, as he so often does. He called me and told me to tell Mom that we would stop by her house on the way down tonight (it's about ten miles out of the way, but whatever) and pick up the holders and gift. That way we know we have them and can avoid any problems on Thursday. It sucks because now I won't get a chance to see my dad until Saturday, but I've got to do what's best for Tara. I hate that Mom gets out of having to work around someone else's schedules as always, but I should know by now that she is not trustworthy. Gah! Jesus, she freakin' pisses me off! Anyone ELSE have a horrible mother story to share and make me feel better?

Scrambling for purchase

You know in action movies when characters are climbing a rock face and they are hanging on by their finger and toe tips to some sheer face, a moment away from falling to their deaths? Yeah, that’s kind of where I am right now. Not a literal rock face, because how could I type this to you if I were? Rather, a figurative rock face. The rock? My emotional state. The fall I’m worried about? Depression.

For the last several weeks, I’ve been struggling against the fall of depression. I have been unaccountably sad for no easily discernible reason for weeks now. I’m near tears for most of each day, and have to blink them back at least twice daily. Why? I’ve been asking that question a lot lately, trying to find out why I’m on this rock face and how to get the hell off of it. Here’s what I’ve come up with so far:

Saturday, Bear went with his friend A to Southern Maine for the day. He’s been friends with A for years (long before I met him) and they haven’t had much of an opportunity to hang out lately. I had to work Saturday, so I couldn’t go. I thought I was okay with them going – why wouldn’t I? Well, Bear and A have history, complete with italics. A is a girl. A girl whom he has intimate knowledge of. That thing you’re thinking? Yeah, they did that. I know it was years ago, I know it was “no big deal”, I know that my husband is trustworthy. I am a confident woman who is assured of her place in her husband’s heart. And yet Saturday morning when I woke up, I felt sick. I kept wondering what they were doing, where they were at that moment, if she looked particularly good that day, if he’d worn the cologne that drives me crazy (he did. I’m not sure what to make of that). I was devastated, almost as if he and A were doing something they weren’t supposed to, as if it were a foregone conclusion. It was apparent to me that despite my saying so, I was not okay with them being alone together. I tried so hard not to let Bear know. I tried so hard not to be that girl who doesn’t allow her husband to hang out with women. I trust him, so what was the deal? I don’t know. I still can’t figure it out. After he got home and I got home from work, I still wasn’t okay. Two days later and I’m STILL not okay. Last night I basically forced him to have sex with me, but didn’t get what I was after. In my mind, it felt perfunctory, like he was doing it to shut me up or placate me or something. If Bear is reading this right now, he’s pissed. Because he doesn’t operate that way. He doesn’t have a dishonest bone in his body and he’s quite rightly pissed right now that I can think like this. I don’t blame him – all of my issues are in my head. I made them up. The issue with A? Nonexistent. Obligatory sex? He would never do that. So what the HELL is my issue? And why can’t I get past this? If I can’t figure out the answers to these questions, things are going to get bad fast between us. If I keep looking at him and wondering, what if, I’m going to drive him away.

Secondary to all this, Bear and I are heading to my brother’s wedding. It is a five day extravaganza and will be the first time in over a year I’ve had this much time off. Bear wants to spend time together, just the two of us. So do I. Unfortunately I have obligations (I’m a bridesmaid). And my obligations get more complicated and involved as I get closer to this trip. I feel like this trip is going to disappoint Bear. I have developed an intense anxiety about disappointing him. And, just like the situation with A, it feels inside as though it is a foregone conclusion. It’s a desperate feeling, and it’s one I cannot shake. It feels as though I’m losing my grip on the rockface and I don’t know how to keep from falling.

Scratch that

I had a post going about laundry, of all things. Upon re-reading it, I realized how boring it was so I deleted it. You're welcome! Instead, I thought I'd fill you in on my Christmas list. Yes, I've started it. Hasn't everyone?

• First, there's this, which will take my knitting to the next level.
  
• While we're on the topic, I'd like to try one of these, too (it's for spinning fiber into yarn).
• Of course, then I'll need some fiber to spin (the example is just that - I'm not picky about composition or color).
• When I'm not knitting, I love to read. This would make reading much more economical! Well, I would at least make up the cost of the thing with the cheaper book prices.
• My truck, Burke, deserves a gift, too, don't you think?
• There's a bunch of other stuff on my list, too. Just take a peek here, would you?

What do you want for Christmas? No asking for world peace or love of family, either - I want your Id to tell me what STUFF you selfishly want this year! Cheryl, Alice - I'm talking to YOU.

~Amalia~