Monday, June 16, 2008

Ever have one of those days?

Ever have one of those days that you hate the world and everyone in it (including yourself)? That everything fucking sucks and you just want to give up/run away/kick the shit out of something until you feel better?

I'm having one of those days. I hate my life.

I hate that I have to work two jobs just to make ends meet. I hate that the reason I have to do that is because I lived off of my credit cards to support my stupid ex-boyfriend who didn't deserve that kind of sacrifice, and will never offer to pay me back. I hate that I can't get ahead, no matter what I do. I hate that people can tell how poor we are. I hate that friends have more than we do because they are smarter with their money that I am. I hate that I'm still driving my piece of shit Ford instead of my truck. I hate that I've put on three fucking pounds in a week for NO GOOD REASON. I hate that I have to go to school until Thursday. I hate that I asked my husband a question last night that pissed him off AND he still hasn't answered. I hate that him not answering makes me suspicious when I wasn't before (the question was a joke - at first). I hate that I dreamed about snooping into his private stuff because of this question that realistically I KNOW THE ANSWER TO ALREADY. I hate the guilty feeling I woke up with even though I didn't snoop and won't. I hate that I don't lead a romance-novel kind of life. I hate that I can't be picked up and carried around as though I weighed nothing. I hate that I haven't gone camping this year. I hate that I'm always worrying about money. I hate that I'm not the best at what I do (except sex, and I rarely get to prove that). I hate that I'm in such a bad mood.

I just hate.


Sue Flaska said...

Ah yes, a day of hate. I know exactly what you mean, especially about the money thing. I have come to the conclusion that we will never be finacially stable. But I hate that conclusion.

Alice said...

Girl - sometimes you just need to rage. I COMPLETELY understand. I hope today is better.

PS- you can see wedding pictures on myspace. One of Ervin's friends took a bunch and posted them. She put the link to her page on the post titled 06-07-08.

Anonymous said...

Raging is good for the heart and soul. You know I have had days like that, we all have. The good thing about feelings it that they change. I hope by now things are better for you and you are not feeling so angry and frustrated.

Now make a list of all the good things in your life, all the things you love, all your amazing and wonderful acomplishments. That will be a much longer list, I know.

Don't get stuck, beating yourself up for things that are now out of your control! As for the weight gain, it is the overall big picture to focus on, and overall you have been doing so good. Your picture shows it.

Sending you lots of good thoughts and peace in your heart. It's the begining of summer, take Bear and run off together.