Bear and I have been married exactly four months today. Before we got married, I was so supremely confident that we would (will?) turn out fine. I had no idea that the first four months of marriage were going to be as difficult as they were. I've already written about this, so I won't bore you with the details again, but I will say that although things are better now, I have lost the cockiness that I had pre-wedding. I lost that surety that everything was (is?) going to be fine. Bear and I are still negotiating the tricky marriage waters, but at least now we know that there are creatures below.
An example of this happened just the other day. Bear and I were in the car coming back from grocery shopping when I mentioned again how I can't wait until I get a new car. Bear paused and said, "I'm still not convinced that you won't get a car I hate just to spite me."
Wounded, I replied, "Why would you think that?"
"I don't know... something just makes me think that."
"Babe, I'm not going to buy a car you completely hate. Unless the car I want is pink. I'd definitely buy the pink one."
"You both have to agree on the car anyway, so I guess it's not a big deal," he said, sidestepping the pink issue.
I looked at him, confused. "Why do we have to agree on the car I'm buying?"
"Because. I'm going to be there with you. I'm even going to test drive it."
*At this point it should be noted that I began to get impatient and confrontational. He is such a dear to put up with me.*
"Why are you going to test drive my car? You can sit in it to see if you fit, but you don't need to drive it. I'm the one that will be driving it every day... it will be MY car."
"No, it will be OUR car. There is no more yours or mine."
"Screw that! I have my own car now and I intend to always have my own car."
"Because that way if something happens and we break up, I need to be able to rely on having my own vehicle."
"What about our next house? Is that going to be in just your name too?"
I thought about that. "No, because if we break up, we'd have to split the money or cost of the house. It's better if both our names are on it."
That was the jist of the argument/conversation. I still maintain I need my own car. It doesn't mean he can't drive it, just that he has no claim on it. He still argues that we should share everything in this marriage. I don't agree. I wonder what other married people do about this sort of stuff. I know my own parents have their own vehicles, but my parents aren't the best example of a great marriage. All I know is that some piece of me must remain independent. I need to know that if I have to leave, I have the right to leave (without "stealing" the car). I'm in no way expecting this to happen, but who can tell the future? I can't, and until I can I want some insurance. My car is that.
In other news, my brother's wife had her baby yesterday - 7lbs, 1oz, 19 inches long. Thomas Lloyd is his name. I don't know how well everyone is doing, but I'm sure all is well. I'm supposed to get the details tonight. I will post pictures as soon as I get them!