Friday, April 14, 2006

Putting it into Words

Yesterday while I was at grad class, Bear wrote in his blog about me ( It is impossible to describe the magic his words have. He is able to elate and humble me at the same time. Here are some of the things he wrote:

  • She is hysterically funny, no one has ever been able to make me laugh about her. She is just as foolish as I am and as quirky. I love her so much for her humor. Her one-liners are the best!
  • She is so caring and compassionate. She takes care of me, spoils me to no end. She has done everything she possibly can to try and make my life easier and has pushed me to follow my dreams and she's done everything in her ability to make those dreams come true and I can't thank her enough for that.
  • She puts in a 110% effort all the time helping with the dishes and laundry and just everything that gets done. What we have is something that most couples dont and its a true partnership and I value that.
  • to me she is still that "cute girl" that I fell in love with and she still turns me on and just makes my heart flutter every time I look at her.
  • She is more creative than she likes to think she is too...she can do origami, write one helluva hate poem and she has pretty neat ideas about things around the house.
  • We have spent an incredible 5 months together and I still am amazed and thrilled by her everyday. I just hope she realizes how much I do love her and appreciate everything she has done for me. She made a bear happy again.
  • I can't explain it, I don't want to try and explain it but I can talk to her. I can open up to her and there are no boundaries and I love it. I have never had that before and it really allows me to see how much she means to me and how awesome she is.

That's just a sampling of all the wonderful things Bear said. As I was looking at my own blog, I realized guiltily that I haven't written about what Bear does for me, or how wonderful I think he truly is. I hope to remedy that today.

Let me begin by saying that my relationship with Bear is different from any relationship I've ever had. With Bear, I'm never made to feel as though accidents are my fault. For example, we went to my school Sunday so I could do some work, but I wasn't able to open the door to get into the building. Because of my previous experiences (Stretch would have shouted that I was useless and that I had wasted his time for nothing and that I was stupid for not checking before I left school on Friday), I immediately started apologizing. I felt terrible and guilty, and wanted Bear to not be mad at me. He just looked at me and said, "Hon, stop. It's not your fault. It's okay. We can still have a good day. It's not your fault!" That took me aback, shifted my world on it's access. Bear is teaching me that not everything bad is because of me, and that its possible to be frustrated with a situation, not just with a person. I'll love him forever for showing me that.

Bear is a talented man. He writes the most incredible poetry! He really is able to paint with words. He showed me one recently that he'd written after our third date... it was amazing. He pegged perfectly that feeling of new love (and yes, lust). Every thing he does shows me more and more the depth of his soul. I'm honored that he has chosen to share it with me.

Do you remember the feeling of riding on your dad's shoulder's when you were little? That complete exhiliration of experiece, content in the absolute sureity of your own safety? That's how Bear makes me feel. When I'm with him, I know that I'm safe, that he will take care of me, protect me, and share those special experiences with me. I've never felt so secure with a man before. It's a terrific feeling.

I've always told Bear that I'm not good with words, and it's true. I'm not. So that may be why I am constantly unable to declare the breadth of my love for him. I love him not just because of how he makes me feel, but also because he's smart, funny, a lil' bit of a devil, deep, passionate, sweet, both innocent and jaded, a contradiction, hard-working ...

and hopelessly in love with me.

Bear, I know you deserve more than these paltry words, but for now, they are the best I have. I love you, more than words can express. I hope you know that.


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