Grrr.

So my friend Alice over at Wandering Wonderland says I'm inspirational. That my efforts to lose weight and get healthy inspire her. Last time I lost 40 pounds, I agreed with her. I could see how I was an inspiration (and I was happy to help - she did AWESOME!). I had worked hard, and the changes were obvious. I looked *good*!

This time? Not so much.

That's not to say I'm not busting my ass. I am! I'm riding my Sinister Stationary Bike of Doom for at least 500 calories a day (last night was 550!). I'm drinking between 5 and 8 glasses of water a day, not counting what I have in my coffee and tea. I'm participating in Sparkpeople's 28 Day Bootcamp Challenge, which means I do one ten-minute strength training workout every day. I'm stretching every time I exercise for decreased pain and increased flexibility. I'm tracking everything I eat and drink, even when I go out to eat (last time I cut to 1,275 calories, this time I'm trying to stay under 1,400). I've been doing everything RIGHT for three weeks now ...

... and I've lost 2 pounds. TWO.

That's ridiculous. I don't care if I am adding muscle, I don't care if some of that weight is water, I don't care if my body is in shock. I WANT THIS FUCKING WEIGHT GONE. I'm so so so so frustrated. My darling husband is exercising/dieting too, and in the first week he lost 7.6 pounds!! Yes, I know he has more to lose, yes I know it's easier for men - it's Just. Not. Fair.

Out of desperation this morning I took my measurements. I'm hoping (at this point somewhat dispiritedly) that if I'm not losing pounds, I *am* losing inches. I've posted them below for the entire world to see to keep me motivated to keep working. Because the scale? Not helping at all.

Calves: 16"
Thighs: 25" (this is what my WAIST should be, not one of my THIGHS)
Hips: 42"
Waist: 36"
Arms: 13"

How are you doing" Fox? Alice?

News and non-news.

News: Bear has blogged about his most recent doctor's visit (it's not good, and not for the faint of heart) here. I think that Bear has come to the conclusion that he needs to wait a while to have the surgery. It's not an "if", but a "when", really, but we aren't in a financial place for him to be out of work for at least six months. He has another appointment on March 1st (I will be going to this one with a laundry list of questions), and we may schedule the surgery then. Anything could happen between now and then, of course. He could fall again, it could get worse, we could win the lottery...

In non-news, I've hit the dieting wagon hard (minus one day we went to Olive Garden with friends, but we're not talking about that), going back to tracking my calories and riding the Sinister Stationary Bike of Doom (SSBOD). It sucks. I'm mostly pissed at myself for getting to this point again - how did I let this happen? How did I regain FORTY pounds of fat after working SO HARD to get rid of it? I am kicking myself for being so weak. My punishment? Getting back on the bike (500 calories a day, at least four days a week) and cutting back to eating under 1,300 calories a day. Experience has shown me that it's the only thing that works. Ugh. I am using a new calorie tracker, though that I like. I was using www.mycaloriecounter.com but I've made the switch to www.sparkpeople.com and although still hate tracking calories, this interface is better. I also signed up to do a 28 day bootcamp-style cardio and weight training program to keep things from getting stale.

I made my loving husband go into the kitchen and stay there until I'd completed the first ten-minute cardio video. He does *not* need to see that.

So that's what I've got going on in my world - how about you?