Thursday, November 08, 2007

Courting Friendship

I never thought about how I make friends until recently. Friendship has always evolved naturally from circumstances I found myself in - high school, college, work, etc. So when Bear told me I needed to make some friends in the town we live in, I was a bit at a loss. How do you make new friends as an adult? I couldn't just cold call people ("Hi, my name's Heather. I like knitting and sleeping in. I have two cats. Want to be my friend?"), my husband's friends were all either single or married to women I had no desire to know, and I'm not involved in any charitable organizations or churches (and don't plan to be). So how, then? How does one make a new friend? I was embarassed that I didn't know the answer to that question.
Thankfully, Bear unwittingly came to the rescue. One of his friends at work is his age and has a wife and two kids who seem pretty cool. They came to our wedding (L-Unit, as I'll call her, was over eight months pregnant with baby number two). At the wedding, L-Unit said that we should all get together for dinner sometime. I said sure, but proptly forgot all about it. Months later, Bear was talking to J-Dogg (L-Unit's husband) about how lonely I was. J-Dogg reminded Bear about the dinner offer and told him to message L-Unit on Myspace to set something up. J-Dogg reminded L-Unit, too, so she messaged Bear to set something up. Unforturnately, Bear isn't the best planner. So taking my need for a friend firmly by the neck, I wrote to L-Unit myself. she knew who I was, so I told her that I would like to set up dinner (since I knew Bear wouldn't ever get around to it).
About a week later, Bear and I went over to L-Unit and J-Dogg's house for dinner. We had good food and better conversation. They were funny and entertaining, and we had a great time. Since then, L-Unit and I have messaged almost daily - we make each other laugh and both kind of need someone local to hang out with. I have been trying to nurture this friendship, to help it grow without suffocating it. It's a lot like a new romantic relationship, really. I make sure that my emails don't come on too strong, I wait a while before emailing her back, I try not to bug her with too many demands on her time. When I got called into work on a night we were supposed to go walking, I worried that I'd "caused irreprable damage to a fledgling friendship" (that is what I said to the girl whose shift I covered, who is L-Unit's sister-in-law). I was kind of joking. I'm hoping that L-Unit and I are becomming true friends - honestly, it's been so long since someone new has come into my life that I'm not even sure I'm doing it right.



Sue Flaska said...

Just wanted to let you know that I put up a pic and the actual auction wording from eBay. I still get mad thinking about it. Oh well.

Anonymous said...

I kinda like the sounds of this L-Unit friend of yours. She sounds pretty nice. You should introduce us sometime. I can agree with the whole finding a new friendship as an adult thing. It's not as easy as it was when I was a kid. I do enjoy your company though. I am glad that we met.. truely.