Getting into the swing of things

So I've been working at my new school for about three weeks.  It's both better and worse than I expected.  The school itself is better - the kids are terrific and the staff is doing some really neat things, curriculum wise.  In this school I'll be able to work together with other teachers, which I wasn't able to do before.

Being by myself in the apartment completely stinks.  I am afraid of the dark so every night I have to sleep in a position that allows me to see the door and also see my nightlight.  I had to move the nightlight three times to get it in a place that lights the room without keeping me awake.  Every noise wakes me up, and sleeping alone is ... well, it's lonely.  I am so much more at peace with Bear around.  I worry constantly about whether my locks are locked and if someone is trying to look in my window.  I have no tv and no internet (internet comes on Thursday) so I have nothing to distract me from my neuroses.  I can dye fiber and yarn for the business, but there's only so much I can do in a day.  Hopefully once I have the web I can skype with Bear and my friends, but until then I'm just completely isolated.  It's not what I wanted, for sure.

It sounds like I'm having a miserable time and I'm really not - like I said, there are good things happening here.  But my emotions are up and down and all over the place because I miss Bear so much it hurts.  I live for the weekends, when I can go home and just hang out.  Just *be* there, next to him, where I feel most at home.

Is it summer yet?

ARgh!

One of the main reasons I'm leaving the school district I've been in for the last five years is because I was tired of being screwed over (and around). I had had enough of being told one thing and another thing happening. It was constant and it was draining. Exhausting, really.

I thought this new district would be different.

I received my contract in the mail on Wednesday. In it were two papers - one saying that I needed to return it by Thursday, the other saying that they misquoted my salary and they were sorry. The new amount? Almost two THOUSAND dollars less.

I emailed the HR lady (who is very nice) and asked that I be given until Friday to get the contract signed and returned, as I am teaching summer school and needed time to look it over. She agreed and this morning I took some time to look it over.

I ended up with four pretty big issues/questions about the contract. Not the least of which is that the pay scale in the contract is different from the single page pay scale they are using to quote me my salary. I'd like to THINK that this was just a mistake, but I'm worried that they are pulling an East Millinocket tactic - the old bait-and-switch.

I'm sick to my stomach that this place may in fact be no better than the last place. I'm trying to hard to keep from making any snap judgments, but I've got a bad feeling about this.

Sigh.

Getting On With It

This week and last I have been teaching summer school at my new district. I'm driving there and back each day (two hour drives both ways), but it's good money and good weather so I don't mind so much. The kids have actually been pretty excellent, with one exception. That exception broke her tailbone last weekend, so perhaps Karma helped me out a bit there.

Now that I'm down here every day, I've begun the search for living accommodations. I have a picture in my head of what life will be like down here and I'm hoping to find something that resembles that picture at least a little bit.

Ideally I'd like something in the actual town the school is in, thus making my commute short. The shorter the better, in my opinion. I don't want to be away from home AND have a big gas bill anyway. And since we're speaking of ideal, I'd like to rent a house instead of an apartment - I really like my quiet time.

I do, however, own a dog and have a husband, both of whom will be visiting me a couple of weekends a month. This is proving complicating since many of the places that are available say no pets. I'm hoping my wit and charm will grant me an exception.

I have all of August to myself as far as summer vacation goes. I'll be doing a lot of work for the fiber and yarn business so that I can give myself a couple of weeks to get situated down here. I will also be snorgling the hubs, cats, and dog to store up for the weeks I'll be away from home. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't worried about how this situation will turn out. I'm hoping that it will be better than expected, rather than worse.

Wish me luck. I'll post pics of the place I'll be renting once I have them.

Decisions

The last time I posted, there were changes coming and decisions to be made. Well, change came - and Bear and I did make some decisions. They haven't been announced to everyone yet, but the blog is a pretty safe place to start since like three people read it.

I have accepted a teaching position in a coastal high school. It is just about two hours away from home, so I will be looking for a place to rent down there. I will stay down there during the week, and come home on weekends and vacations. Some weekends, Bear and Jackson will be coming down to see me so we can all explore the coast and Bear can get out of town.

This situation isn't ideal. Since we became a couple, Bear and I haven't spent a night apart. We celebrated our 4th wedding anniversary yesterday, and have been together almost six years. That's a long time, and that change will be the hardest to handle. It's already affecting us, and I haven't even left yet. I know that Bear, especially, will feel this separation, as he won't have things to keep him busy at night (I have the yarn business to occupy the hours between school and sleep). We will have Skype and cell phones, of course, but that's really not the same. I know Bear will worry about me - it's what he does - and I've never been one to handle being on my own very well.

However, there are some really good things coming from this change. The district I'm joining is ridiculously excited to have me. They offered me the position about five hours after my interview, which is a record for me. I joined the staff yesterday for a professional development day so I could meet with the staff coaches and English chair, and everyone was *SO* nice. I think I can be happy there, professionally. They are a staff that is willing to work and change and collaborate; these are traits that I have not had in co-workers before. There are also opportunities to make extra money. I was in the building about five minutes before they offered me a summer school position that pays $27.50 an HOUR and I'd get paid for five hours a day and work only four. Even if I drive two hours both ways I'm still making good money. I haven't made up my mind, but I am thinking about it.

The best thing about this job is the knowledge that I'll be making a step towards our dreams. We've wanted to be on the coast for a long time. There has never been any forward progress on that dream. By making the tough choice we are actually going to move in the direction of our dreams. And that, is a very cool thing.

Ch-Ch-Change ...

Big changes are potentially afoot here at CFB Central. I have no idea what this change will look like, but the goal is to make some major changes to our lives in order to gain ground on our dreams.

The elementary school that I work at is closing after this school year. Many, many cuts have been made (and continue to be made). While I am reasonably "safe," this could change at any moment. In fact, last week I was laid off and then un-laid off less than 24 hours later.

The time has come. I need to move on.

Due to our state's tough economic situation, changes are being made to Maine State Retirement, which all Maine Teachers pay into. In order to escape those changes, many teachers are retiring *now.* There are more high school English Teacher positions open now than there have been in the last three years combined. It's a good time to be looking for an English job.

Problem: most of these jobs require a move from where we are now.
Problem: Bear cannot move right now, as he needs to have major surgery next year and gets short term disability where he is now. It's a secure job, and one he should keep.

So what does that mean? It means if I can find a decent teaching job, I'm going to be moving.

By myself.

While our relationship is strong and we will continue to be together, the truth of the matter is that if we ever want to move out of Brownville and to the coast, I'm going to have to get a job down there and work. I hope to find a position, an efficiency apartment or cheap house to rent, and live down there during the week. I will come home on weekends and vacations. It's not ideal (or even easy), but we think it is what's best for us. I will be making 10-15k more a year teaching and not commuting than I will ed teching at a district that is 41 miles away. Gas alone is more than $300 a month. I imagine that I'm a desirable tenant to most landlords - professional woman with no kids or pets who works at the local school sounds pretty good. If I'm incredibly lucky I will find someone who owns a house but doesn't want it to sit empty and will let me live there and just pay utilities. Sounds impossible, but it DOES happen.

So now it's a matter of finding the right job. I had one interview already and another is scheduled for Wednesday. The first job is about 50/50 on the pro/con list. I'm hoping for better results from the next interview. Either of the two applications I sent out today would be fantastic places to live.

Problem: What if a so-so district makes an offer before I hear from one of my first choices? GAH. This is so much harder to decide on than I thought. What I really need is for a clear path to be laid out in front of me. That's not too much to ask, is it?

I will keep you all up-to-date on what's happening. Cross your fingers for me, won't you?

'Tis the Season

Every year it's a big question mark as to whether or not I'll suffer seasonal allergies. Some years I have no real symptoms at all, and others I'm in hell. May has been a *very* rainy month, and the rain keeps my allergy symptoms to a minimum. However yesterday we had a single day full of sunshine, clear skies, and warm temperatures (70s).

I think I'm dying.

Seriously. I cannot stop sneezing! And I don't just sneeze once or twice ... oh, no. My sneezes come in fits of up to twenty at a time. Most average in the six to ten range. Do you have any idea how hard it is to drive when you're having a ten-sneeze fit? Not to mention trying to find a tissue before your face explodes all over the place.

And sneezing isn't the worst of it. Whatever it is that I'm allergic to (I think it's a tree pollen, but I don't know which type of tree it is) tends to collect in the back of my throat when I'm sleeping, and I wake up several times a night literally choking because my throat stuck to itself momentarily. It's gross, and probably TMI, but there you have it. My throat is completely swollen and raw. Ugh. This pollen also gets into my lungs, so when I'm not sneezing, snoting, or choking, I'm hacking up a lung. I feel like crap.

Clearly, this is not going to be a good year for me, allergy wise.

I'm headed to the grocery store this afternoon to try to find some allergy meds. They all put me completely to sleep, so I will only be able to take them in the afternoon/evening, but at least I should sleep better. At this point, I'm just trying to hang on until the pollen passes.

Does anyone else have allergies like this?

Hiya!

Holy crap - it's been TWO MONTHS since I last blogged here. It's hard to believe! Well, actually, it's not hard for ME to believe, but if you know me and how much I love to talk, I could see how you might be a little alarmed that I've been so quiet.

You know, Thumper's mother said that if one doesn't have something nice to say, one shouldn't say anything at all. It's advice I try to follow.

So what I have I been doing? Sigh. Lots of feeling sorry for myself, mostly. Let me explain.

I've mentioned before how I've been diagnosed with endometriosis. As far as diseases go it's not a heinous one - it won't disfigure my face, it won't kill me ... it's just really painful. Horribly painful. I understand it isn't painful for everyone, but I'm not one of those lucky few. I have tried over and over again to get the issue resolved - I had a laparascopy in September to remove the endometriosis, which should have given me a few years' of pain free living. I had no relief at all. I went back to my regular doctor (the laparascopy guy was a jerk, although I do think he did a good job with the procedure) and my regular doctor agreed to send me to a different specialist.
I was basically ready to have my uterus removed. I'm not having children so really my uterus is a wasted organ and if it's causing me pain? YANK IT. I went prepared to make my argument to the new doc, to make him see that I was serious.

It's very difficult to explain the pain I feel to someone who doesn't feel this kind of chronic pain. When I'm not in pain, I'm perfectly fine. I can do anything, go anywhere ... I don't suffer at all. When I *am* in pain, I can't function. Sitting, walking, standing, laying ... every position I can put my body in hurts. I have this terrible fear that the pain is coming in the days before it begins (I suffer between 10 and 14 days each month). I worry about going out. I fret that I wont' have meds or that I'll be somewhere I can't take them. I've developed an intolerance to my big pain killers, so all I can take is Ibuprofen which doesn't help. When the pain hits, I cry over and over. I hate living, I hate that I'm going to suffer for several more decades, I hate it. Most of all, I hate that this pain controls my life, not the other way around.

So it was with a huge bundle of nerves that I went to the new doctor. I had heard great things about him and wasn't disappointed. Despite being insanely busy, the new doc went over my surgical notes, notes from my regular doc, everything in my file. He spent more than half an hour with me to explain what I came to realize was the horrible truth: there is no surgical option.

My endometriosis is in an unusual place in my abdominal cavity. The spots sit near my femoral artery, the nerve bundles that control my legs and feet, and several important tendons and tubes. There's simply no way to go in surgically and remove it to alleviate my pain. Removing the uterus will do nothing, unless they take my ovaries too. They won't take my ovaries because I'm too young - I will suffer osteoporosis, among other serious things.

The only option for me to treat my condition was the single worst option I'd heard about - six months of a drug called Depo-Lupron - a drug that puts me into an artificial menopause for six months. Six months of night sweats, hot flashes, bone loss, depression, insomnia, weight gain, facial hair growth, hair loss, and more. And those? Just the COMMON side effects. Slightly less common: headaches, bone pain, sore muscles, nausea, dizziness, etc. Four years ago, I made a conscious decision to stop putting hormones into my body. I was worried about what eleven years of drugs had done to my body and wanted my body to do what it wanted to, what was natural. Now I'm going in the completely opposite direction.

To say I'm not happy is a massive understatment. For two days I was inconsolable. Now the doc did put me on a second drug to reduce the side effects of the first. But it's not perfect and has side effects of its own. I sobbed through the appointment, I sobbed in the parking lot, I sobbed through the rest of the errands I had to run in town. To be told that there's no real solution was not what I wanted. To be told that this wretched drug was my best bet at reducing my pain FOR A WHILE (since it will probably grow back eventually) was not okay. I am still not okay, although I am slowing managing better. For about two weeks, I couldn't function. I'm not sure if I'm dealing with depression as a side effect of the drug or if I was just so upset that I got into a funk I couldn't get out of. I didn't want to get up, go to work, knit, drive ... anything. If I lowered my guard for a single moment, I cried. I cried in the car, in the bathroom, in bed, everywhere.

Thank God for my husband, who let me completely break down last Friday night. Who listened as I cried some more and was terribly negative about my chances for a pain-free life. While I whined about the horrible side effects. As I cried about how this isn't how I want to live my life. Without his support I'd be so much worse off than I am. I don't know how I'd get through it without him. I'm still not sure that I will get through it, but I'm going to try. I'm going to hope that the six months will be over quickly and I'll be okay after that.

Here's hoping.

Random Wednesday

• If you haven't read it lately, check out Bear's blog. His medical roller coaster keeps going, each pass making the track more worn out and wobbly. I know we are both tired of the ride.
• The sun has been shining for two days. It makes me wish for spring even more. Last weekend we were hit with a moderate ice storm - about 12,000 people lost power and roads have been damaged by fallen trees. My commute has gone from awful to rotten. If the sun will just keep shining, maybe spring will get here.
• Although I love the light late in the day, I'm not a fan of daylight savings time. I hate that it'll be dark again when I get up each morning. I super hate that I'll be losing an hour of sleep.
• I really need to add some pictures to this blog. It's been too long since I posted pictures of Jax, the cats, my ad0rable Bear ... too long.
  
• If it weren't for my friends and husband, I'd never get anywhere in life. They constantly encourage me to reach past my comfort zone into things that are awesome, if slightly scary. Every time I've done this, something awesome has happened.
  
• My new computer has this awesome program called "sticky notes". I no longer have to write notes by hand and pray that the Post-it Gods will allow the sticky backs to work long enough to accomplish my to-do lists. These sticky notes stay right on my desktop so I never lose them. I have several all over my desktop, each in different colors. I'm still not doing much off of those lists, but at least I'm not losing them anymore.
• I'd like to buy a piano. A used upright piano.
  
• I have nowhere to put said piano in my house.
  
• I still want one.
• Bear and I are trying to see if we can manage to visit my brother in Nebraska this summer. We've looked at our travel options and if we can manage it financially, we may take the train out and back. I love the sound of an adventure like that.
• My video podcast has been going for almost a year now. I had no idea last year that I'd be where I am now. Someone said this morning that they want to be me when they grow up. I'm terribly flattered - but I'm still wondering how in the hell I'm anyone's role model. Weird!
• Does anyone else sing in their car and not stop, even when truck drivers and other commuters give you funny looks? I can't be the only one. I can't be.

How's your Wednesday looking?

Week in Review

This week is a week that all teachers and students have off from school. I love this week. It's a great one for sleeping in, getting home projects done, and cursing the skies for delivering yet more snow.
I'm really tired of snow.
Normally I love each of the seasons - here in Maine we get a full dose of all four with an extra mud season thrown in between winter and spring. But this year spring can't come fast enough. There were two feet of snow on the ground this morning, and it's been snowing all day. I thought the groundhog *didn't* see his shadow this year?
Tomorrow is the annual Gathering of Gardiner Girls - myself and my three best friends from high school will be meeting at a pancake house for breakfast and laughter. One friend has just had a baby, and another just informed us she's expecting her second. I love these girls and don't see them nearly often enough. After that I'll be heading south to Freeport for a knitting event that's hosted each year in February. I've never been but I'm really looking forward to it. I hope to be a vendor at it next year. It is probably strange to a non-knitter how many knitting events there are and how well-attended they are. For me, it's a chance to be among my people. People who get me and who love the very same things I love. That to me makes this time of year a little bit easier to bear.

Pththththththb.

Yes, I know it's been more than a month since I posted last. Thanks for pointing that out. I would love to catch you all up on my scintillating life ... but honestly? There's absolutely nothing exciting to say. I've become boring.

Except that my husband went to town yesterday to get groceries and returned with a boquet of Gerbera daisies and two novels for me.

Because he knows I love daisies and I'm a sucker for books.

And what's more? One book's a dragon book that's been on my Amazon wish list for YEARS and the other is the sequal to a knitting fiction book I enjoyed two years ago.

The man knows what makes my heart happy.



More next week, I promise.

Grrr.

So my friend Alice over at Wandering Wonderland says I'm inspirational. That my efforts to lose weight and get healthy inspire her. Last time I lost 40 pounds, I agreed with her. I could see how I was an inspiration (and I was happy to help - she did AWESOME!). I had worked hard, and the changes were obvious. I looked *good*!

This time? Not so much.

That's not to say I'm not busting my ass. I am! I'm riding my Sinister Stationary Bike of Doom for at least 500 calories a day (last night was 550!). I'm drinking between 5 and 8 glasses of water a day, not counting what I have in my coffee and tea. I'm participating in Sparkpeople's 28 Day Bootcamp Challenge, which means I do one ten-minute strength training workout every day. I'm stretching every time I exercise for decreased pain and increased flexibility. I'm tracking everything I eat and drink, even when I go out to eat (last time I cut to 1,275 calories, this time I'm trying to stay under 1,400). I've been doing everything RIGHT for three weeks now ...

... and I've lost 2 pounds. TWO.

That's ridiculous. I don't care if I am adding muscle, I don't care if some of that weight is water, I don't care if my body is in shock. I WANT THIS FUCKING WEIGHT GONE. I'm so so so so frustrated. My darling husband is exercising/dieting too, and in the first week he lost 7.6 pounds!! Yes, I know he has more to lose, yes I know it's easier for men - it's Just. Not. Fair.

Out of desperation this morning I took my measurements. I'm hoping (at this point somewhat dispiritedly) that if I'm not losing pounds, I *am* losing inches. I've posted them below for the entire world to see to keep me motivated to keep working. Because the scale? Not helping at all.

Calves: 16"
Thighs: 25" (this is what my WAIST should be, not one of my THIGHS)
Hips: 42"
Waist: 36"
Arms: 13"

How are you doing" Fox? Alice?

News and non-news.

News: Bear has blogged about his most recent doctor's visit (it's not good, and not for the faint of heart) here. I think that Bear has come to the conclusion that he needs to wait a while to have the surgery. It's not an "if", but a "when", really, but we aren't in a financial place for him to be out of work for at least six months. He has another appointment on March 1st (I will be going to this one with a laundry list of questions), and we may schedule the surgery then. Anything could happen between now and then, of course. He could fall again, it could get worse, we could win the lottery...

In non-news, I've hit the dieting wagon hard (minus one day we went to Olive Garden with friends, but we're not talking about that), going back to tracking my calories and riding the Sinister Stationary Bike of Doom (SSBOD). It sucks. I'm mostly pissed at myself for getting to this point again - how did I let this happen? How did I regain FORTY pounds of fat after working SO HARD to get rid of it? I am kicking myself for being so weak. My punishment? Getting back on the bike (500 calories a day, at least four days a week) and cutting back to eating under 1,300 calories a day. Experience has shown me that it's the only thing that works. Ugh. I am using a new calorie tracker, though that I like. I was using www.mycaloriecounter.com but I've made the switch to www.sparkpeople.com and although still hate tracking calories, this interface is better. I also signed up to do a 28 day bootcamp-style cardio and weight training program to keep things from getting stale.

I made my loving husband go into the kitchen and stay there until I'd completed the first ten-minute cardio video. He does *not* need to see that.

So that's what I've got going on in my world - how about you?

Welcome Back

About three years ago, I decided I needed to lose some weight. I'd been married a few months and when I looked at the wedding pictures, I realized that I was much rounder than I liked. I joined a calorie counting web site, hopped on my Sinister Stationary Bike of Doom, and lost almost 40 pounds. I looked good, I felt great, and thought that the hard work was worth it - despite it turning me into a calorie counting nightmare to be around. I can remember nights where it'd be 8pm and I'd be starving, but I couldn't eat anything because I only had 25 calories left to eat that day, and even a banana had 90. I cried a lot those 5 or so months. I rode that SSBOD every single day for four and a half months, at least three of those months for sessions that burned 500 calories each. I avoided chocolate, pepsi, and sugar - my three favorite foods in the world.

But I looked good. Real good.

The last three years I've been giving myself a lot of leeway to eat/do what I liked, since I'd worked so hard to lose all that weight - all the while ignoring that the scale had started to creep back up. Yesterday I couldn't ignore it any more - I weigh again what I did on my wedding day.

Fuck.

So as of yesterday I'm back on the calorie counting website, and I'm back on the SSBOD. I'm going to try to be more realistic about it this time so I don't burn out so quickly. I'm hoping this spring brings us a treadmill so I can run again (running on the road is super tough with my knee issues now). I'd like to make sure I stretch every day, since it makes such a difference in my pain levels when I work out. I'd also like to take the dog for more walks, since Jax keeps me walking at a pretty fast pace. I hope you'll be patient with me as I begin this journey *again*, because I know I'll lose patience with myself.

Gack.

You know that cartoon, Opus? The one with the penguin who's butt falls off? He has a friend, a spastic cat. I forget his name (if I can find a pic via Google images, I'll post one here), but he is totally where I'm at mentally and emotionally right now.

Almost two weeks ago, I got a phone call from my husband. He was at work, and I knew immediately something was wrong. "I just slipped and fell on the ice at work and messed up my bad knee." I could tell by his voice he was in terrible pain. A co-worker brought the tuck around to him, Bear somehow managed to get in and get home. I was home and helped him out of the truck and into the house. Once I got his workboots, wet jeans and sweatshirt off him (he'd laid in the snow on his back for several minutes after he fell), we looked at his knee. It looked like someone had hit him with a bat. The thing was softball sized, so swollen his kneecap had disappeared. Already some bruising had started. I can only imagine how badly that hurt. I got him situated in his chair with an ice pack, water, vicodin and a whoopie pie and dealt with the idea that he may have re-injured his surgically repaired knee.

Now that it's been a couple of weeks, we know a bit more. Bear met with his surgeon who ordered an x-ray. There were bone fragments showing in the x-ray that he'd never seen before, but that didn't look "new," whatever that means. He immediately ordered an MRI, and got Bear's knee re-imaged within an hour. Far cry from the first time when it took MONTHS to get the d#mn scan. I'm hoping that we'll hear the results of that scan today. I don't know if this means more surgery, more physical therapy, or what. Bear is out of work until a course of action has been determined.

The fall happened at work, which means that this is a workman's comp issue. Bear and I are unfamiliar with the workman's comp issue, as are the people in his mill's office. We've been told they will "take care of it," and "that shouldn't be a problem," and "not to worry," but haven't been told how Bear is going to get paid - whether he gets a paycheck, how much that is, whether there's a procedure we need to follow ... anything. I'm *beyond* frustrated that we are less than two weeks away from Christmas and have no idea how we'll get all our bills paid and the remainder of our gifts purchased. I'm pissed that Bear has to go through the pain and isolation he went through this spring AGAIN, with no idea how long it will be before he can resume daily life. I hate that I can't fix anything for him, and that I can't help make his days better. He hates being home, he hates being injured, he hates not working. I can't fix that. I'm not someone who has a whole lot of nursemaid in her (because really, life is supposed to be all about me), and I know that I am taking my frustrations out on him. I feel terrible about it, but I can't seem to change my attitude or behavior. Stress has caused my eyelid to resume its incessant twitching, which is how my body shows that I'm stressed. Two weeks of twitchtwitchtwitch. Sigh.

I'm trying so hard each day to get through, to keep the mantra "this too, shall pass" on repeat in my brain. To see the positive side of this situation - at least Bear is getting help this time, and much faster than last time. But oh, how I wish this hadn't happened right now, when the holidays are putting more strain on us than usual. If you're a praying person or someone who's in good with your God, will you send some healing thought toward my husband? He sure could use a little divine intervention right now.

New to Me, Anyway

Last Friday I was driving home, minding my own business, when my car started acting funny. When I pressed on the gas pedal, I got no response. The idle sunk really low, and just as I pulled off the road, it stalled.

Uh oh. This is not good.

I managed to get the car re-started and running long enough to get it into a parking spot at the local grocery store. I called my husband and he got in touch with our wonderful mechanic. Mikey (the mechanic) drove his tow truck the 35 miles to get the car. He started the car, got it on the tow truck, got out and announced, "Well - you pooched it." Which is Mikey speak for I killed it. Apparently I dropped a valve in the motor, which is unfixable.

Le Sigh.

So my husband and I discussed it and realized that we needed a new vehicle. Something that would be a solid commuter car for me and comfortable to ride in for both of us. We wanted something the dog would fit in comfortably, too. Oh yeah - and we had to be able to afford it.

We spent the entire day Wednesday looking at used cars. We went to six or eight dealerships, test dove four or five cars, and ended up with this:
A 2002 Buick Century Custom. It's awfully pretty! It rides so comfortably. I love it. I admit we were both hoping for something a little more "age appropriate" - another Pontiac would have been awesome, but this was simply the best fit and the best deal. The guy who sold it to us has been selling cars for 43 years, and was super nice. He puts brand new tires on every single one of the cars he sells, because he believes in doing right by people. Awww! I'm so pleased with this car! Of course, Bear's been driving it all over so I haven't had much of a chance yet, but I will. Here are a few more pics:

Grammie's Shawl

Last year for Christmas I wanted to knit my Grammie a shawl. At 95, she needs a shawl's warmth, and as she basically raised me, she totally deserves it. But I'm a slow knitter, and I tend to overcommit myself during the holidays. So the shawl didn't get finished, and after the New Year it sat largely forgotten in my pile of unfinished knits.

But now that the holidays are approaching, I figured the time had come to get the shawl done. I dug it out, realized I only had about 20 rows to go and got going. I tried to knit one row a day - at 576 stitches, it took about half and hour, but it was at least progress.

Last week I finished the shawl.

Below are the pictures. The colors are off (shawls have to be pinned out when wet to keep their intended shape when dry, so this is the wet color. The actual shawl is a cinnamony-red called "Russet Heather"), but you can hopefully see what it's supposed to look like. The shawl is called Icarus and is supposed to look like a frame with feathers at the bottom.

What do you think?

The downside of time

It's been two weeks now since I've left Rite Aid. I love it. Like really LOVE it. It's so nice to know that once I get home from work, I don't have to leave again if I don't want to. I have time to get groceries, walk the dog, do laundry; I don't have to squeeze everything into the 33 minutes I had between jobs. I really look forward to having time to knit, spin, and design again - as well as update here more regularly, too.

I am finding, however, that having all this time has its drawbacks. I trained myself over the last three years to use any and all time off effectively, since those were my only opportunities to get chores and errands done. Now that I have every evening free I find myself cramming each evening full with as many things as I possibly can. I can't just sit still. I have to be "doing" something, or I feel as though I'm wasting my time. If nothing immediately presents itself as needing doing, I wander from room to room, picking things up and putting them back. I've done more loads of dishes in the past two weeks than I have in the past three months. Because I can, so I feel like I should. I've begun making a long to-do list every single day, and getting everything on it crossed off. Because I can't rest until I've "worked."

Relaxing? Totally not happening.

My fervent hope is that this calms down as my body re-learns how to have just one job. That I can begin to enjoy quiet relaxation and rest again. Because I'm getting really sick of dishes.

Because Good Matters

Many of you may read my friend Alice's blog (I won't link it here because I'm talking about her work, but if you look for an Alice-related blog in my sidebar, you'll see her). If you read her blog, you know she's epically awesome and a genuinely good person. She has graciously allowed me to use her employer as my first "sponsored charity" with my Intention Yarns company. Please go to my Intention Yarns blog and read this post - Alice wrote a letter for me to share with knitters. If you knit or know someone who does, please consider helping (or encouraging someone else to). As Alice explains, these are some really deserving kids.

Making my Move

This is the last week I'll be working at Rite Aid. I have to work Wednesday night and Saturday day and I'm done. It's been a long five weeks since giving my noticed, but I'm psyched to be nearly done. I can't wait to have more time available to me, both physical time to do things and mental time that I was thinking about work that I can spend on other thoughts. I'm really trying to plan a routine for this time so that I don't just waste it on the internet (which is how I spend too much of my free time). Here's a list of plans so far:

WEEK DAYS

• Every day when I get home from school, Jax and I will take a 30 minute walk. No taking off my sneakers or coat - just grab the dog, the leash, and go. We both need this time. Possible caveat - if I have groceries to bring in, they must be dealt with first.
  
• As soon as we're back, I will spend the next 30 minutes writing (no social networks allowed!). I have three blogs now to maintain (one personal, two knit business related), and they will only be good with regular maintenance. I plan on blogging here on Monday, Intention Yarns on Tuesday and Friday, and Highland Handmades on Thursday. Wednesday is reserved for grocery shopping or blog research.
  
• After writing is chore time until Bear gets home. That's only about 15 minutes, but 15 solid minutes a day should make a noticeable difference in my home. I'm a big fan of put it off, put it off, put it off ... but now I have no excuse.
  
• After Bear gets home and I've said hello, I can spend some time catching up on the social networks, email, and any cool links that have been sent my way. I can do that until it's time for dinner (or, if it's my night, until it's time to cook dinner).
  
• After dinner - no idea yet. I know some nights will be spent on HH stuff, others on IY stuff, and others will be spent knitting. I'm in the middle of holiday knitting, and it really needs some attention paid.

WEEK ENDS

• Saturday is spent with coffee and get-my-own breakfast, consumed while social networking and the like. It's a great way to catch up. This is when I'll write my to-do list for the weekend. Chores always factor high here - laundry, dishes, vacuuming, bathroom, etc. but also it's a great way to spend a lock of time on HH or IY stuff.
  
• Sunday is all about ME. I plan on doing my nails on Sunday after breakfast and other pampering things. I'll knit, because I enjoy it, or spin. I'll do things that I love because I deserve some time for myself. The *PLAN* is to make Sundays internet-free days. I don't know if I can do it, but that's the plan. We'll see how that goes. Sunday is Pancakes Day at my house, too, so Bear and I will have pancakes at some point that day for sure.

What do you do with your free time?

Resolved

Every year, when people ask me what my new year's resolution is, I respond the same way: to recognize good advice when I hear it. In my last blog post I was whining about Rite Aid and how much I want to be done and how awful it's going to be to work through Christmas. The ever wise Fox said, "Don't worry about working until Christmas... if you hate it that much, don't do it for another second. It's not worth it...it never is."

I'm listening to that advice.

My last day of work at Rite Aid is October 30th. I have given my notice and am just working out these last few weeks. I feel fan-freaking-tastic about this choice. Bear and I will have several important bills paid off by the end of the month so it's more financially feasible than I thought it was going to be and hopefully IY (the yarn company) will fill in any holes that appear. I'm looking forward to the free time, and I'm stoked that I may be able to actually ENJOY the holiday season this year. I do feel a little guilty that I won't be able to help out at Rite Aid during the busiest time of year, but the guilt isn't enough to keep me there. When I got the job it was only supposed to be for a year. I've been there more than three years now. It's time.

I hope to be able to begin new routines with my afternoons - blogging more regularly is at the top of my routine wish list. I miss blogging and conversing with you all. I'll be blogging in other places - Highland Handmades (my fiber blog), The Fiberista Files (my video podcast about my fiber business) and Reveal (the Intention Yarns blog) - but I'll try not to repeat myself.

I'm off to blog in those places right now, actually, so I'd better end this post for now.