Confessions

In my last post I told about how Bear and I met. Today's post is how I fell in love with him.

Once we started dating, Bear and I spent a lot of time together. School nights, weekends, all kinds of time. He slept over here first, sort of accidentally. See, I fell asleep on him one night on the couch while we were talking, and he felt so comfortable and was so tired himself, that he passed out. He barely even moved when I eventually got up around elevenish and put a blanket on him and went to bed myself. The next morning he said that it felt like something inside of him had let go, had let him truly relax for the first time in a really long time (years, even). I felt bad that he had to go to work in the same clothes that he had come down in, but he didn't mind at all. I was glad that he was able to sleep on my couch, because I wouldn't have been able to.
It took about a month before I slept over at his house. I had never been to Brownville Junction before, and wanted to wait before I went 50 miles out of the way for an overnight trip. I didn't want to be in a situation where I felt like I couldn't leave if I wanted to. In the month leading up to my visit to his place, Bear and I spent countless hours together in Bangor - some out on the town, others cuddled up in my apartment. Things between us were getting pretty hot and heavy, but we hadn't done the deed yet for two reasons. One: he had never had to wait for sex... women always put out on the first or second date - I felt that I needed to differentiate myself from them. Two: I anjoy the anticipation that leads up to sex. I enjoy the steamy make-out sessions that leave you aching with need. I think the build-up is the best part. Well, one of them, anyway. In the mean time, I was learning what Bear likes, and he was learning what I like. He has the uncanny ability to turn me on at the flip of a switch.
I had decided (unbeknownst to him) that when I stayed with him in Junction, I would lift the restriction on doing the deed. I was ready, I trusted him, and since he owns his own house I had the added bonus of being able to be as loud as I wanted. It was terrific, and totally worth the wait. I don't remember exactly how many times we had sex that weekend, but it was a lot and it was awesome. He is a very considerate lover, and his size ended up being an advantage - he's strong enough to toss me around and move me into a number of different positions.
The next week I had to spend a day away from him (Thursday), as I had promised the ex I would help him flea bathe our dog. By the time I got home from school, I was simply too exhausted and called my ex to tell him that. Well the ex pitched a fit and royally pissed me off (how DARE he imply that I don't work hard?!?! HE hasn't worked in FOUR YEARS!). I decided that I wanted to see Bear - he always makes me feel better about myself, and after that phone conversation, I needed it. I packed some stuff for the next day and headed to his house.
There was no way to warn Bear that I was coming, as he didn't have a cell phone at that time. I just prayed that he wouldn't get the idea to surprise me in Bangor that night. ;) He called my cell just as I drove into Junction. He asked what I was doing, and I said, "I'm dropping off a movie at Blockbuster.... talk to me while I drive?" He agreed. Jsut as I pulled on to his road, he said, "Hon, you're breaking up.. I can hardly hear you."
"Well do me a favor and look outside your front door," I replied.
"What?"
"Look out your door!" I repeated, giggling at the success of my surprise.
"Oh, my God, Hon... you didn't!" As I parked the car and got out, Bear came barrelling out of his house, tossed the phone over his shoulder ( I think it landed in the snow bank), and scooped me up into the biggest bear hug ever. For several minutes, all he could do was say, "I can't believe you're here" and "It's so good to see you" and "what an awesome surprise," while hugging me and kissing my face. I was overjoyed that I had indeed surprised him. I'm not very good at surprises.
Eventually, we got back into the house. We stood in his kitchen, leaning on his kitchen counter, talking. It was that night that he confessed that he had fallen in love with me. Admitting that was a big risk, considering I had once told him that if he fell in love with me, I would stop hanging out with him. I didn't do that, though... see, I'd fallen in love with him, too... seeing how happy he was to see me that very night sent my heart into a complete and utter tailspin. So as he confessed himself to me, I found myself doing the same - giving him the words of love I'd sworn off saying for the forseeable future. Thing was, my future turned out to be him.
Bear also gave me a gift that night. More on that next time (this blog is too long already!)