Post #200!

Today is my 200th post. I wasn't sure what I was going to write - I wanted it to be classy and inspirational. Then again, that's not really me, is it? So I figured I'd just do what came natural and go from there.

For the last several years, I've had the same New Year's resolution: Recognize good advice when I hear it. I have had trouble with this my whole life. However after three or so years of this resolution, I haven't come very far. I am still far too pigheaded and stubborn for my own good. So what should I resolve to do this year? I think I am going to become cliche and do what thousands of Americans do every year - I'm going to lose weight.

It shouldn't be surprising - if you are a regular reader of my blog, you know I've been unhappy with my weight for a long time. I'm not huge, and I look okay with my clothes on, but I'm not confident at all. I'd like to be. I know what I really need to do is up my physical activity level. I'm sedentary. That is only going to make me bigger. Ugh. I read somehwere that you only need to have 100 extra calories a day to gain ten pounds in a year. Holy crap! It doesn't seem fair that it's that easy to put on weight, and so frigging difficult to take it off.

So in the next few weeks, my blog will be changing. Nothing major, but I need it to reflect this new resolution. It will still be titled Caring for Bear, and most of my posts will be their regular random bits. However I'd like to add some things to keep me motivated and show my progress. Because there WILL be progress. I'd also like to set some goals - goals are important in anything you do, I think. Here's what I have so far:

Under 170: Dying my hair a rich dark brown, eliminating my grays.
Weight I was when I met Bear: The book "Couch to 5k".
BMI under 24.9: Free weights.
Weight under 160: My car gets detailed.
IF I get back under 160, the prizes will have to get much bigger. But for now, that's what they are. What do you think? I think if I can get under 160 by my birthday (June 22), I deserve a new swimsuit - from Victoria's Secret. A two piece?

To get there, I am doing the following:

• Food journal: I will write down everything I eat and drink, it's calorie and fat content. I know how many calories I should be eating a day, as well as how much fat.
• Glamour.com has an awesome calculator for BMI, so I will be testing that, too.
• I am also going to weigh myself each morning.
• I will take measurements of my arms, legs, and waist to see where I'm shrinking. When I have all that info, I will post it.
• I may take pictures, but if I do I'm only going to show them to you when I have the AFTER shots to compare them to.
• I will start wearing my pedometer again, trying to get to 5,000 steps a day (at least in the beginning).
• Riding the stationary bike 20 minutes, every day of 2008. No exceptions, no excuses. I'm trying to find a digital calendar I can put in my sidebars to show you. We'll see how that goes.

If you can recommend anything else, please let me know! I need all the help I can get. I'm hoping that 2008 will be the year I finally get my act together. Wish me luck!

~Amalia~

Dear Lynn,

When I joined the staff at Rite Aid last September, you were my trainer. As I navigated the tricky world of cigarette sales and cycle counts, you provided a never-ending supply of support and cheer. The more I got to know you and work with you, the more I was struck by what a genuinely kind, caring person you were. It seemed every time I turned around you were helping me bag, bringing me a copy of next week's schedule, or assisting me with my nightly chores. I remember thinking, could you be real? Could you really be as sweet and caring as you seemed? You were. And what's more, you were a great story teller. Every shift we worked together I had stitches in my sides from laughter. We got in trouble for standing around talking instead of working like we were supposed to. It was so wonderful to have someone to talk to after more than a year of isolation at home. You gave me a connection to this area, a reason to enjoy living here. Without you, I would without doubt still feel very alone. I enjoy working at Rite Aid because Rite Aid means you. And you, my dear, are a rockin' good time.

Now you are leaving Rite Aid. I know you have to take this new job opportunity - it's what's right for you and your family. I admit that I was floored when I heard - to me, Rite Aid will always mean you, even after you leave. I probably haven't handled the news as well as I should - I know I haven't, because every time I think about it, it makes me want to cry. I almost feel as though you are leaving me as much as you are leaving Rite Aid. I know it's silly, but I can't help it. I am afraid that without you there, I'll lose that feeling of connectedness, and I don't want to. I know that I can come visit you, and I hope that I will. It may be selfish, but I don't want to lose you from my life. You make me feel worthy and deserving of good things. Very few people have done that for me - thank you for being one of those few.

Thank you for making me feel as though I've come home.


Yours Truly,
Heather

Secrets and Surprises

At work this year we are doing Secret Santas. A small gift every day this week has found its way into my mailbox - the first day a magnet for my car and Crystal Light To Go packs, the second day a thermos for my coffee (I've been using an old Bob the Builder kids' thermos), yesterday a GIANT Hershey Kiss, and today a photo frame snow globe with two pictures of Bear and I in it. The pictures come from my Myspace page. I had an inkling who was getting me these gifts (I only showed a few people the Bob the Builder Thermos), but wasn't sure until today. I re-use the gift bag I receive to give to the person I have for my Secret Santa. As I was transferring the items in the teachers room, an Ed tech said, "It's a good thing I didn't write on it, then!" And then she realized what she said. She looked crushed, but I couldn't stop laughing. I was not upset at all! She's so funny anyway, I was actually quite glad she had picked my name. I've received great gifts!

Today after lunch, the Adult Ed teacher stopped me in the hall. "Did you still want to teach an Adult Ed class?" she asked. "Heck ya I do!" I replied, in one of my less grammatically correct utterings. She went on to give me the details. I am going to teach a fifteen week English course for High School credit. Most of the students will be juniors and seniors in high school, as well as a few adults. I have complete executive control over what I teach! It will be one day a week after school for about three hours. I have to come up with a course outline and a syllabus. I start at the end of January. The pay is $900, payable upon course completion. I cannot tell you how excited I am! This is what I really want to do - teach kids that want to be there the things I think are important. I will help them become better readers, writers, and thinkers. They will learn, they will experiment, they will have fun. I can't wait. This is also an awesome stepping stone to teaching classes at KaTech, the community college up the road, other adult ed classes and eventually college classes once I have my master's. I am positively giddy today. In the words of Jerry Spinelli, "WAHOO!"

~Amalia~

Tired

Doesn't it seem like everyone is tired? My kids are saying it, I'm saying it, my fellow teachers are saying it... what is it about this time of year that makes us so tired? I am in study hall right now and I'm fighting just to keep my eyes open. I don't know how I'm going to make it home - maybe I will have to buy a coffee for the ride. I have to work at Rite Aid tonight, too, so I'm mentally preparing myself for an incredibly loooong night. Ugh.
On the plus side, Christmas Vacation is only eight days away!!

~Amalia~

Love Him!

I do the laundry in our house. The laundry basket is in our rather small bathroom. I only have time to do laundry once a week, so it is a struggle to keep the clothes in the basket and not on the floor. I work hard to pile it up so the floor stays free for walking. Ever since I moved in, I have been trying to get Bear to follow my example and stop throwing his clothes on the bathroom floor and leaving them there. I hate stepping on his dirty socks when I get out of the shower! After months and months of "gentle reminders", Bear is finally starting to get it.
Yesterday when I got home I separated the laundry into different piles - light, medium, dark. I wasn't going to shower last night, so I put the piles on the floor. The plan was to pick one pile up at a time and deposit it into the washer. Simple, right?
Then I got an invitation to go to the local high school girls' varsity basketball game. I had to leave the laundry where it was. No big deal, I thought, I'll do it tomorrow. At least it's all sorted! When I returned home, I got ready for bed, putting my dirty clothes in their respective piles. Bear had gone ahead of me, so I looked to see which piles he had put his clothes in.

I found them all in the laundry basket.

:-)

~Amalia~

First Snow

Here are the pics of the first snow storm of the year. We got about twelve inches by the time the storm ended (about 36 hours of snow). Usually we don't get a snow like this until January or February. This year the snow is early and plentiful. Whoopie!

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."

What do YOU want?

I know what I want for Christmas. It's not a lot, but it is kind of expensive. I want a USB cable and memory card for my phone so I can put mp3s on it. That way whenever someone calls me, I hear a ring tone specific to who they are as a person. Isn't that clever?
Every Christmas, I wonder what other people want. not people I buy for, as I'm pretty sure what they want, and what I'm going to get them (not always the same thing). I want to know what strangers want for Christmas. And what they REALLY want, not just what they are asking for. Most of the time, I tell myself not to get something that catches my eye. Maybe it's too expensive or frivolous. Many times I just feel too guilty getting something for myself and not for someone else. Whenever Bear wants something, I usually encourage him to get it. new clothes? Sure. A CD? Absolutely. Most of the time I don't even mind that he gets those things more often than I do. I think the last shirt I got was a free gift in September for helping out at the Maine Reptile Expo. Before that? A seven dollar Rese's Peanut Butter cup shirt I bought in March or April from Wal Mart. But that's not the point.

When I cast my mind back to think about the last thing I really wanted (besides the phone stuff), I find myself thinking about a pair of jeans. They were CarHart jeans, triple stitched, boot cut, and low rise. I didn't even try them on because they were thirty dollars, and I didn't have that kind of money to spend on myself. Bear and I were at Reny's, a discount store that specializes in work clothes. Bear had received a clothing allowance from his work and that was the money we were spending. I knew if I tried them on, I would want them, so I didn't. I also knew that they would be gone a couple of days later, so there was no way I was going to get them. I sighed, gave them a last pat, and walked away. I'm not sorry I did that - I really didn't have the money. but when I think about what I really, truly, honestly want - those jeans are it.

Commercials tell me that I want jewelry. Maybe I'm supposed to want that, but I really don't. It's too expensive and I'll probably just lose or break it anyway. Plus, I'm really not a jewelry kind of girl. Or a make up kind of girl, or a manicure kind of girl. I do enjoy the occasional pedicure (I've had one in my life, and it was for a wedding), but that doesn't really make a good Christmas gift. "Here, honey, I bought you some time to have a complete stranger fix your toenails. No one will see them because it's winter in Maine, but enjoy! Don't forget to shave your legs before you go... you're getting kind of hairy." Yeah, right. I'll pass. I don't want any of the "traditional" female gifts that the media says I should want. There's a future post there about how un-womanly I am, but I'll save it for another day.

Because I don't bow to the edicts of the media, I am curious if other people do. What do you really want for Christmas? Tell me in the comments... I'd really like to know.

~Amalia~

Snow Day!

Today is the first official snow day of the year. At 5:12 this morning, my principal called me to tell me that there was no school. After I hung up the phone, I rolled into the warmth on Bear's side of the bed and snuggled him. Soon he would have to get up and snowblow the driveway before he left for work. In the predawn darkness, we held each other, my head tucked under his chin and our fingers entwined. Half an hour later, when the alarm went off, Bear sat up to look out the window. "It hasn't even started to snow!" he exclaimed. "Look, the cars are bare, the streets are bare... I thought I was going to have to get up early, but I don't have to." With that, he tucked himself back into bed and held me for another half-hour.

It was heaven.

When he did finally get up, I got up with him and made him breakfast. We watched the news. The weatherman said we are going to get 12-18 inches of snow today, so Bear gave me instructions to snowblow the driveway before he comes home. "And don't forget to cover the heating oil pipes," he cautioned me. I smiled and kissed him, and he stepped out the door. "It's starting to snow!" he called back to me as I shut the door behind him.

So now here I sit, blogging while fresh biscuits bake in the oven. I will use one to make a breakfast sandwich (something I never have time for), the rest I will put in the fridge to be used later this week. I have presents to wrap, cleaning to do, a sweater to knit, cats to cuddle, Christmas music to listen to and goodies to bake. I love the feeling a snow day creates - a day out of time, a bonus day... a day where ther are no "must-dos," only "feel-like-doings". And this snow day is before Christmas, so I'm filled with holiday cheer.

This is a great day.

~Amalia~

As Promised

Here are some pics of my new nephew, T-Rex. His father is my brother, The Golden Child. I think he's vaguely odd-looking, butt all new babies are, I'm told. He's a month old as of yesterday. The green blanket in a couple of the pics is what I knit him for his "coming out" party. Eww, that image was gross. Anyway. The black as night cat in two of the pics is my brother's tempermental, moody cat named Scratchy who for some reason, ADORES T-Rex. But then, he adores the Golden Child, too... guess there's no accounting for taste!

~Amalia~

An Amalgom

Sometimes I have days where I can't think of what to post. It's not that I don't have ideas; rather, it is because I have too many thoughts in my head to focus on just one. Usually I wait until one thought rises to the surface and concentrate on that one. Lately, however, I've been too busy for much introspection. So here are my stream-of-conscious thoughts for today. I separated them by paragraph for ease of reading, but they overlap in my mind.

I had another weird dream last night. This one was a complete story... a sad story. I wonder if I should write it down as a short story? I'd hate to lose it, but at the same time it kind of disturbs me to think about. Dreams are supposed to have deep meanings, aren't they?

So I made lasagna for my friends L-Unit and J-Dogg on Tuesday. They said they liked it. Did they really? Why am I so self-conscious about my cooking? Why do I not believe people when they say that something is good? Is it because I lie to people when I eat something bad? Is there any way to overcome this insecurity? I'm not sure. I don't like that I am so desperate for positive food praise. It's sad. Really, why even cook if I'm not confident about it?

Gas prices suck. I paid $3.32 a gallon today for Mid-Grade gas for my car. I have to fill up every four days, and I have one of the most fuel-efficient cars out there. When am I ever going to be able to afford a new car? I want a pickup truck, so the most I'm going to get for gas mileage is 20mpg. Right now I get 34 mpg. Add a car payment and full coverage insurance and I'm not going to be able to do it!

"He's the only one with enough of me to break my heart." That was a song lyric I heard this morning. I wonder - does Bear have enough of me to break my heart? Do I even give that much of me away anymore? Or did Chad cure me of that years ago? What does that mean if my heart doesn't break? Does that mean I didn't truly love him? That thought is almost too difficult to think. but seriously... do I hold back my love? What event COULD break my heart? Could anything? If I can't think of something, does that mean I'm cold? Heartless?

I love my Rite Aid job more than my teaching job. That sucks. I paid so much money to become a teacher, and I'm good at it. Well, the teaching part. I suck at the paperwork/administrative parts. I voted today to go forward with a "no confidence" vote about the superintendent. I don't even know what that will do. I just know that I don't like her or the policies she creates. If I'm honest with myself, I know that I'm also pissed that she screwed me out of a step on the payscale. I can't wait for her to be gone.

Why is a fireman walking past my classroom windows? Doesn't he know what a distraction he is to my kids? Kind of fitting, though, as we just talked about the fire in chapter 8 of To Kill a Mockingbird. Still. That's really random.

I'm so hungry! It's only 10:30, and I already can't wait for lunch. I hate how school messes with my biological clock. Normal people don't eat lunch that early! But I've done it for so long, now my body is accustomed to that. It's not right.

Christmas, Christmas, what is Christmas going to be like this year? Am I going to get the things I want? Am I going to be able to buy the things I want? How much money can I realistically spend? Do I spend too much? Not enough? What am I going to get my cousins? Is the farm Monopoly game insulting? I wouldn't have thought it was, except Bear asked me, and now I wonder.

I keep forgetting to tell people I saw another moose yesterday! It was a bull moose with a nice rack... but he was facing away from the road so all I got a good view of was his butt. That made me giggle. It still does.

Seeing the forest

I am often guilty of "not seeing the forest for the trees." Quite often a solution to a problem is so obvious and simple, I don't see it. My mind works hard to see complex patterns and so at times totally bypasses the simple ones. If I'm lucky, someone will show me an easier way or I will have an epiphany. Most of the time I'm not that lucky.
Yesterday, however, I did have an epiphany. Let me explain my problem first. I have huge trapezius muscles. I look a little like the Incredible Hulk. Thank God I don't work out or they would be monstrous. It's just the way I'm built. As a consequence, I can't keep anything on my shoulders. Purses? No way. Bra straps? Forget about it. I'm constantly jerking my bra straps back on to my shoulders. Several times an hour at least. No matter how tight I pull them or how wide they are, they don't stay up. Ever. I tried to solve the problem by buying an expensive racer back bra. I was told that they couldn't fall. Well, normally they don't, but the bra is a front-close variety, and the sucker pops open several times a day, and once unhooked, the straps fall down. I hate strapless bras (they don't stay up), so I didn't know what to do.
I was contemplating this wardrobe travesty yesterday on my drive home. I was trying to pull up one of my straps with my mittens on (I was in the car). It was impossible. Frustrated, I gave up. I might as well just take the straps off, I thought to myself. Falling straps are worse than no straps and these are designed to be taken off, anyway. That was when the lightbulb came on. Most of my bras are those five-way convertible bras - why couldn't I just criss cross the straps in the back so that they would stay up?! EUREKA! Of course when I got home that afternoon, I forgot to try it and had to work at Rite Aid that night with the falling straps. But this morning, I did it. It took just a minute and poof! Bra straps that won't fall down. I've been strapfall-free for the entire day.
I shouldn't be proud of this discovery. I've had these bras for two years, and only yesterday thought about moving the straps. But I am. I am so thrilled with myself that I had to tell someone. That someone is you. But now that I shared, I am feeling like I've exposed my inner airhead. Have you ever done something similar? Telling me would make me feel a whole lot better. Please?

~Amalia~

On Giving Thanks

Those who know me know that I am a gifted complainer. I can find a cloud on the sunniest day, a fly in the purest of ointments. But since Thursday is Thanksgiving, I thought I'd make a list of all of the things I am thankful for, without a single complaint. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

1. My commute. Not only do I get forty-five uninterrupted minutes of alone time, I also get so see the very best of Maine - its wildlife. Last year I saw thirty-three moose, a coyote, several fox, crows, ravens, squirrels and chipmunks, a bald eagle, hawks, falcons, turkeys, and deer. This morning a large and beautiful owl flew across the road and landed on a tree branch as I drove by. He looked at me, and we shared a moment in the wilderness together.

2. My jobs. I am a teacher; it's my calling in life. I guide fifty human beings to become better readers, writers, and thinkers. My former students come back to tell me how much I helped them both in class and out of it. At Rite Aid, I competently and efficiently do the tasks required of me. I work with wonderful people and have made good friends. I also am content with the knowledge that I don't have to be perfect - I'm still learning, and am at the bottom of the responsibility pyramid. After a day of teaching, that is a great feeling.

3. My home life. When I get home, I am enveloped in warmth. My cats run to the door in welcome, crying for attention and showing me how much I was missed. I pick them up and walk around the house, noticing all the places they have been and things they have changed while I've been gone. If it's early, my husband will arrive home from work smelling of fresh cut lumber and cold. If it's late, he will be home when I get there and show me the chores he's done or the dinner he's cooked. Sometimes, if I'm very lucky, he will be asleep with the cats on the couch and they will all be snuggled and warm. They welcome me home, finding a place for me among them, my husband tucking my body along his, the cats resettling on top of me, too.

Amalia~

NaNoWriMo, L-Unit, and Date Night

1. I am so behind on my novel, but I got a "pep talk" from an author today who is behind on her words, too. I hope to catch up during last block today, or maybe tomorrow, or maybe the weekend. It's not that I don't have words to write, but that I don't have time to write them. I feel better after the pep talk.

2. L-Unit wrote me a thoughtful, insightful email yesterday. I'd showed her this blog, and she wrote to me about one of my posts. The best part? She didn't judge me. In fact, she's never judged me. She could have, as I know I have shared some eyebrow-raising information with her, but she never told me I should or shouldn't have done something, or that I should feel bad or guilty for it, either. She is a pillar of support and warmth. I haven't replied to her email yet, but I will - as soon as I can give the response the quality she deserves.

3. Depending on the weather, either Friday or Saturday night Bear and I are going out to celebrate our two year anniversary. It was two years ago this Saturday (11/17) that I met Bear in person for the first time at 99 Restaurant and Grill in Bangor, Maine. He was interesting, intriguing, and he made me blush (something few people can do). I was hooked from that very first night. Happy Anniversary, Bear! And thanks for two wonderful years.

~Amalia~

Courting Friendship

I never thought about how I make friends until recently. Friendship has always evolved naturally from circumstances I found myself in - high school, college, work, etc. So when Bear told me I needed to make some friends in the town we live in, I was a bit at a loss. How do you make new friends as an adult? I couldn't just cold call people ("Hi, my name's Heather. I like knitting and sleeping in. I have two cats. Want to be my friend?"), my husband's friends were all either single or married to women I had no desire to know, and I'm not involved in any charitable organizations or churches (and don't plan to be). So how, then? How does one make a new friend? I was embarassed that I didn't know the answer to that question.
Thankfully, Bear unwittingly came to the rescue. One of his friends at work is his age and has a wife and two kids who seem pretty cool. They came to our wedding (L-Unit, as I'll call her, was over eight months pregnant with baby number two). At the wedding, L-Unit said that we should all get together for dinner sometime. I said sure, but proptly forgot all about it. Months later, Bear was talking to J-Dogg (L-Unit's husband) about how lonely I was. J-Dogg reminded Bear about the dinner offer and told him to message L-Unit on Myspace to set something up. J-Dogg reminded L-Unit, too, so she messaged Bear to set something up. Unforturnately, Bear isn't the best planner. So taking my need for a friend firmly by the neck, I wrote to L-Unit myself. she knew who I was, so I told her that I would like to set up dinner (since I knew Bear wouldn't ever get around to it).
About a week later, Bear and I went over to L-Unit and J-Dogg's house for dinner. We had good food and better conversation. They were funny and entertaining, and we had a great time. Since then, L-Unit and I have messaged almost daily - we make each other laugh and both kind of need someone local to hang out with. I have been trying to nurture this friendship, to help it grow without suffocating it. It's a lot like a new romantic relationship, really. I make sure that my emails don't come on too strong, I wait a while before emailing her back, I try not to bug her with too many demands on her time. When I got called into work on a night we were supposed to go walking, I worried that I'd "caused irreprable damage to a fledgling friendship" (that is what I said to the girl whose shift I covered, who is L-Unit's sister-in-law). I was kind of joking. I'm hoping that L-Unit and I are becomming true friends - honestly, it's been so long since someone new has come into my life that I'm not even sure I'm doing it right.

~Amalia~

I think I'm going to be sick...

... but I'm going to try it anyway. Yesterday I signed up for NaNoWriMo. For those who don't know, NaNoWriMo is an organization that promotes Nation Novel Writing Month (November). The task: write a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. That's an average of 1,667 words a day! I first heard about NaNoWriMo last year, but scoffed at the idea of writing a novel. The idea was intriguing, though, and the website is very supportive. This year, when I heard rumblings about NaNoWriMo again, I decided to sign up. I've had a novel idea in my head for two years now! Although I am petrified at the idea of someone seeing my novel, I think it's time to write it down. It's a romance novel (my secret dream job is writing romance novels for a living), and it takes place in Maine. I will keep you updated as I begin this journey - writing 1,667 words a day while working two jobs and preparing for the holiday season is NOT going to be easy. I hope you'll send me words of encouragement this month (and maybe provide a digital kick-in-the-pants).

~Amalia~

Four Months (but who's counting?)

Bear and I have been married exactly four months today. Before we got married, I was so supremely confident that we would (will?) turn out fine. I had no idea that the first four months of marriage were going to be as difficult as they were. I've already written about this, so I won't bore you with the details again, but I will say that although things are better now, I have lost the cockiness that I had pre-wedding. I lost that surety that everything was (is?) going to be fine. Bear and I are still negotiating the tricky marriage waters, but at least now we know that there are creatures below.

An example of this happened just the other day. Bear and I were in the car coming back from grocery shopping when I mentioned again how I can't wait until I get a new car. Bear paused and said, "I'm still not convinced that you won't get a car I hate just to spite me."
Wounded, I replied, "Why would you think that?"
"I don't know... something just makes me think that."
"Babe, I'm not going to buy a car you completely hate. Unless the car I want is pink. I'd definitely buy the pink one."
"You both have to agree on the car anyway, so I guess it's not a big deal," he said, sidestepping the pink issue.
I looked at him, confused. "Why do we have to agree on the car I'm buying?"
"Because. I'm going to be there with you. I'm even going to test drive it."
*At this point it should be noted that I began to get impatient and confrontational. He is such a dear to put up with me.*
"Why are you going to test drive my car? You can sit in it to see if you fit, but you don't need to drive it. I'm the one that will be driving it every day... it will be MY car."
"No, it will be OUR car. There is no more yours or mine."
"Screw that! I have my own car now and I intend to always have my own car."
"Why?"
"Because that way if something happens and we break up, I need to be able to rely on having my own vehicle."
"What about our next house? Is that going to be in just your name too?"
I thought about that. "No, because if we break up, we'd have to split the money or cost of the house. It's better if both our names are on it."

That was the jist of the argument/conversation. I still maintain I need my own car. It doesn't mean he can't drive it, just that he has no claim on it. He still argues that we should share everything in this marriage. I don't agree. I wonder what other married people do about this sort of stuff. I know my own parents have their own vehicles, but my parents aren't the best example of a great marriage. All I know is that some piece of me must remain independent. I need to know that if I have to leave, I have the right to leave (without "stealing" the car). I'm in no way expecting this to happen, but who can tell the future? I can't, and until I can I want some insurance. My car is that.

In other news, my brother's wife had her baby yesterday - 7lbs, 1oz, 19 inches long. Thomas Lloyd is his name. I don't know how well everyone is doing, but I'm sure all is well. I'm supposed to get the details tonight. I will post pictures as soon as I get them!

Still cute though, isn't she?

Kitten Drama

I love our new kitten Briggs. Really I do. As I type this, she's trying to engage the must more reserved Zedd in a wrestling match. He's just sitting there, letting her do her thing, then getting up and walking away so she can do it again. She's cute and cuddly and all the things I love about kittens.
She's also infested.
She arrived at our home with fleas, tapeworm, and earmites. It took quite a while to rid her of the various parasites hitching a ride on or in her body. Zedd, luckily, didn't catch any of her bugs. Then I find out that her littermate has something called "coxcidia" (I'm not sure of the spelling), a single-celled organism that lives in the stomach and replicates without check until the poor thing can't eat. I called my vet to ask if Briggs needed to be tested for this, but the vet wasn't in and I had to leave a voice mail. I got a voicemail back an hour later saying that the medicine would be in the vets' office mailbox, and I could pick it up and send a check for it later. The vet knows that I live sixty miles away from her office. I guess that means it's serious - they didn't even test to see if she has it! So now she is being treated for her FOURTH parasite. I love her, but this is getting ridiculous!

I hope to write again Monday about my experiences at the Breaking Benjamin, Seether, and Three Days Grace concert I'm attending with Bear and Snake Sunday night. I am so RIDICULOUSLY excited about it! I do a mental dance every time I think about it.

~Amalia~

Awards, Writing, Living my Life, Concert, and Shout Outs

1. FINALLY, I got an award! Shari gave me the Rockin' Girl Blogger Award. I know I'm far from the best blogger out there, but it feels really good to be recognized. Really good. Especially because several other bloggers I read have been receiving a lot of awards lately. Thanks Shari!

2. Although I haven't been writing a lot on my blog lately, I have been writing. Check out some of my posts on www.thisisby.us, a writing website I've been contributing to. I just wrote a post called "The First 100 Days" that describes how marriage is a lot tougher than I thought it would be. One of the reasons I haven't written here lately is becaue that post took a lot of soul searching to get out, and I chose to release it into the world there instead of here. I don't know why, really... maybe I'll post it here too someday. I also wrote a post about 20 things I do that I won't apologize for. It's pretty funny - read it here.

3. I've been woring at school and Rite Aid for two weeks now. I'm tired, I'm sore... and I'm loving it. The people at Rite Aid are super nice and the job is uncomplicated and fairly rewarding. My first check was more than I thought it would be; I'm hoping the trend continues. Some days I prefer Rite Aid to teaching! Teaching has been sucking my ass lately (I'll post soon on the most outrageous pile of bullshit I've ever experienced).

4. On Sunday night, Bear, Snake and I are going to a concert to see Breaking Benjamin, Seether, and Three Days Grace! Bear and Snake went to a Korn concert early in the month and got to stand in the front row! I'm not expecting such great seats for this show, but I AM expecting a kick ass show. I'm taking Monday off so that I can recover. WOO HOO!

5. A few people have been doing things in the blogosphere that I think deserve some recognition.

• Sue has been doing the difficult work of saying goodbye to a friend that hasn't been much of one lately. I've gone through that myself, so I know what it's like. Sue, trust in yourself! You know what's best for you. I take strength from reading yours. You rock!
• Jenny has been doing everything, it seems, changing her life for the better on all fronts. Through set backs and complications, she remains upbeat and hopeful. Jenny - all your hard work and determination WILL be rewarded. And soon. I can feel it.
• Lindsay has been taking on the world of country stars, angry soccer parents and agressive newscasters. She is ever humorous, literate, eloquent and poised. I admire her strength and tenacity. Above all, she makes me laugh! Lindsay: I hope you realize what a service you do for women all over the country (and probably the world). By showing us the lighter side, you keep us from making the mistake of taking ourselves and the bad in our lives too seriously. THANK YOU!

Did I forget you? Let me know!

~Amalia~

Aid is exactly right

I officially started a second job today. I am the newest cashier/clerk at the local Rite Aid. I will be paid $7.15 an hour to ring people's purchases up and stock shelves. I've been out of the retail world for several years and am dreading and anticipating the return in equal parts. The thing is, I need this job so I can buy heating oil for the winter. I'm going to have to pay cash price as it is, since I can't afford to pre-buy it. Once the winter is over, I'm hoping to save up for a new car. Have I posted a picture of my car? It's on it's last legs. I'm not even sure if it will last the winter. But what can I do? I'm broke!

This week has been a busy one (when is it otherwise?), and I'm very tired. I'm off to the shower and then bed. I'm looking forward to the weekend!

~Amalia~

PS my older brother called me tonight to inform me that he is now engaged to a wonderful woman named Tara. I met her at my wedding and fell instantly in love. Congratulations to you both!