Married Life...

... is really no different from the life I led before. Since I got married, everyone's been asking me, "Do you feel any different?" This question confuses me - am I supposed to? Different how? Bear and I lived together before we were married, my paperwork hasn't gone through so I can't legally change my name yet, and aside from the rearranging of some of my rings, my life isn't any different. What I can't figure out is if life is supposed to be different somehow. Did I miss something here? Does marriage make people cognizant fo some kind of change in their lives, their relationships? Am I the only one who feels totally the same?

Summer is progressing well for me otherwise. Until yesterday it really hasn't been hot at all - I think it's only been in the 90's once in the past two months. Yesterday and today it has been noth hot and muggy, so I think Bear is planning to take us to the lake tonight for a swim. Schoodic lake is a spring-fed lake, making it one of the coldest lakes around. It'll be the first time this year we've been really swimming.

I've been trying to lose weight again. After the honeymoon I weighed myself and discovered I have gained almost all of the weight that I lost last fall back. I weighed in at 180.8. I was kind of disgusted with myself. I thought about trying to make small changes, do one thing at a time, but that hasn't been working for me. I need to set a big goal in a short time frame - otherwise, it's too esay to make excuses. So my new goal is ten pounds in six weeks. That sounds like a llot, and it is. If I lose six pounds, I think I'll be happy. I set this goal two days ago, and have done more excercising in those two days than I have all summer. Bear has agreed that if I make it to 167.6 I can buy a new good pair of sneakers. That's thirteen pounds away. Hopefully by October I'll be back there. 167.6 is what I weighed when I met Bear. I am looking for a way to track my progress and post it here in a graph format - any ideas?

That's all I've got for now, I guess. The proofs came back from the photographer, but they were too small for me to really get a feel for them. She's sending them to me in a CD, and when she does I will post my favorites.

~Amalia~

My favorite pic so far (courtesy of Bear's aunt)

The Good and the Bleh

I talked with my photographer today - she is sending me my proofs this week. Not as a packet of individual photos - oh, no - as a magazine with all the photos digitally printed on the pages! All of the proofs are in it (over 300!), and I can show it to family and friends as a catalog - they can pick the prints they want and order from her directly. How cool is that? I can't wait to see it. I have to look over all the photos and decide what I want in the digital coffee table album that I'm getting. Every photo can be broken down into parts, too ... if I want just part of each pic, I can use that. So really the number of possible pics is infinite. I will show you as many as I can as soon as I can. I'm really chomping at the bit to see what she took for pictures, because the guests that were there took some awesome ones.

Bear went back to work today as the mill's annual two-week shutdown is over. This day has creeped by and I am SO LONELY! I really enjoyed having him around all day, every day. Maybe it's a newlywed thing, maybe it's not. All I know is I miss him!

~Amalia~

More Pics

Mrs. Kinne

That's me! I'm officially married. There's just so much to blog about, I'm not sure where to begin. The day went perfectly, I looked awesome, Bear and I had a marvelous time on our honeymoon ... in short, everything went swimmingly. I thought I'd share some pictures that friends and family have given us so far (I don't have the photographer's pics back yet).

The first pic is of the bridal party - my brothers are in red, Bear's best friends are in navy.
The above pic is the "you may kiss the bride" moment.















This one is right before we cut the cake.


No worries - more to come!

~Amalia~

Hooray!

I had an awesome weekend. My bridal shower and bachelorette party were Sunday. I had the most amazing lunch buffet at The Sentor inn and spa. I didn't know Augusta even had a place with food that good! Lots of people were there (minus my aunt's family, as they had a birthday party to attend), and I got two of the things I've been hoping for - an electric mixer and an electric skillet! Okay I realize it's not that exciting sounding, but kitchen gadgets are something of an obscession with me.

After that my friend Caity J brought me back to her house, where the bachelorette party was. We had a great time with the consultant from Passion Parties. It turns out that I am the most sexually experienced of my friends - by about 100 times! I was a bit embarassed that I was the only person in the room who knew what Ben-Wa balls are and already has a rabbit. I overcame it, though, and bought three new things to add to my (somewhat vast) collection. I won't be able to get them beore the honeymoon, which kind of sucks, but I'll live.

Bear and Snake worked hard and y parents' house again, landscaping and doing general clean up. It seems like there is still a lot to be done before Saturday. I try to remind myself that everything will work out, that I need to have faith. I'm trying. We are headed back down there on Wednesday night, and will stay for the duration.

Hmm, let me see... what else is going on? Oh, I got my hair highlighted - it looks awesome! I got a lot of the dead ends cut off, too, and she straightened my hair before I left. It took almsot three and a half hours, but it was totally worth it. My grays are still there, but they are much less visible. I will try to get a picture today if I get a chance. I also decide against the mani/pedi due to time and financial reasons, but I did buy some good quality press-on nails. Did you know they make press on nails for your TOES? I didn't, but when I saw them, I had to buy them. I also bought some subtle false eyelashes to make my eyes pop in pictures. They aren't the all the way across ones, but the individual ones you can put where you want.

In other news, Snake broke up with his girlfriend! Many of you will remember Blondie, and how at times (okay, most of the time), I can't STAND her. Well Snake finally got sick of dealing with her crap and dumped her. Am I relieved? Absolutely. Do I now have to deal with the drama of whether or not Blondie can/will/should come to the wedding? Yup. She asked me what I thought, and I kind of danced around the issue. I personally don't care if she comes, but Snake is the best man and I don't want drama to upset him. An upset Snake is an upset Bear and I DON'T NEED THAT on our wedding day. Does that make sense?

Today is Tuesday and I am in charge of downloading all the songs I want played at the wedding and getting the music in some kind of order. Any idea what should play when Bear dances with his older sisters? His mom has passed away, so this is taking the place of the groom&his mom dance. I have to say I'm out of ideas.

~Amalia~

Happy Birthday ...

... to me! I'm 26 today. Usually my birthday is a huge deal - I have a party and cake, presents, the whole nine yards. This year I'm not, because the wedding is taking up so much energy from so many people. Bear got me two perfect gifts, though - a new pair of Columbia hiking boots and a battery-operated air mattress pump, so I don't have to pump it up by hand any more. I'm as excited by that as I am the hiking boots! I had never been camping before I met Bear, and since he introduced me to it I've come to love it. There's something so peaceful about "living" outside, even for a few days. You can almost feel the rythm of your body change, slow down, relax. I think more people should go camping, really.

Oh, and don't forget the S'mores!

There's not much else going on today... I'm going to buy stuff to make a cake when I get out of here so that I can celebrate both my birthday and the official start to my summer vacation. The weekend will be spent at my parents', Sunday is my bridal shower & bachelorette party, Monday I get my hair highlighted and trimmed (I can't WAIT for that!), and then I wait for Friday and Saturday's festivities. I will try to post as I get a chance. Wish me luck!

~Amalia~

10 Days to go (or so)

Monday I clicked on our wedding web page hosted by theknot.com. It looks like theknot had updated their website and made some major changes. As a consequence, I couldn't access my specific page. Less than two weeks from my wedding, and my page wouldn't load! It had all the directions for how to get to the site, important information on what to bring with you and even a place for people to RSVP. And I couldn't open it!! I was livid. I immediately shot them a nasty email telling them that the problem needed to be fixed immediately. It's probably as close to becomming a Bridezilla as I've come. It must have worked, though, because today it's back up. If you haven't seen it yet, check it out!

This week is just some last minute teacher stuff... I took down the thingd on the walls of my classroom, I'm working on curriculum stuff the rest of the week. Saturday morning we head back down to my parents' house to work on wedding stuff. I finally got a hair dresser booked to do my hair... we'll be doing a run-through on saturday. I still have to make a nail appointment, but that shouldn't be too tough. After that, I think it's mostly hurry up and wait. I can't believe the date is so close! It seems like I've been planning this damn thing forever... in a way I can't wait for it to be over. I just want the day to get here so I can stop stressing and just enjoy. Does that make sense?

Our honey moon is going to be in Bar Harbor. We're leaving right after the reception and will stay at a wonderful little bed and breakfast until the 3rd. Then we will be home for a few days, and then the weekend we are spending at Jo-Mary Campground about 15 miles away. Three days of camping, swimming, hanging out. It's going to be great. I can feel it.

~Amalia~

Wow.

Today was the last student day at school. To celebrate, there was a huge luncheon in the teachers' room. Halfway through the lunch, one of the other English teachers walked in with a money tree LOADED DOWN with cash! It had $250 on it. We also had cake that said, "Congratulations Heather! Good luck"

How sweet was that?

Everyone is probably sick of hearing how poor I am and how strapped for cash this wedding has made me. I am so overwhelmed. The people here are so generous! And to think I was considering leaving this place to teach full time in the next town. What was I thinking?! I'm totally staying here. Not forever - but when I do leave, it will be for the perfect fit. I really like the people here, and while the money is crap, at least it comes to me drama free.

So now I have some wedding money that I wasn't anticipating - I'll have to talk to Bear to see what we can do with it. Honeymoon? Scratch off tickets? Nicer gifts for the wedding party? What would you do?

I will post pics of the cake and tree when I get back from my parents' house this weekend. Snake is coming with us this time... it should be interesting!

~Amalia~

Phew.

at the end of last week, I was as stressed out as I've ever been in my life. I cried three times just at school, and that night Bear and I talked, and I said that I have reached the point where I'm not looking forward to the wedding. At all. All I want is for it to be over. Trying to figure out how to pay for the photographer has been driving us crazy! We talked about how it was going to happen at least ten times a day. It seemed everyone was freaking out about the [very] few things I really want. Bear was shocked when I told him it will cost about $100 to have my hair highlighted. Scroll down to the pictures below to see how much hair I have. I called around, and $100 is the lowest bidder. I want to have a manicure and pedicure, too. I don't feel like I should feel ashamed or guilty about it. But I did, and I felt terribuly guilty about the amount of money the photographer is costing us, too. You see, Bear and I don't have any money - our savings account has exactly 0.22 in it right now. Everything we have bought or are buying is on credit. The only thing we are paying cash for is Corrine (photographer). Bear has worked fourteen days straight, pulling fifty-five hour weeks to make extra money. I agreed to work the week school vacation starts to have an extra $400. I don't think I'll get it until after the wedding, but that money will still come in handy.

I was at the end of my rope. But then, Snake (Bear's best friend) came through for us. He is going to loan us the $800 we still need to get Corinne paid for. He's getting us the money this week! Hallelujah! We will be able to pay him back with the money we make at the wedding. But finally, after weeks and weeks of freaking out, there is a solution. Bear feels a thousand times better than he did and was able to sleep for the first time in a long time. How am I? I'm still not all starry eyed, but at least I'm not crying any more. There's a lot still to be done, but they are smaller in cost and importance. I will still be glad when it's over, but at least I'm not dreading the day like I was. Did anyone else feel this way? Last Friday I was thinking to myself, "If I could do it all over again, NO WAY would I EVER choose this route." Now I'm back on the fence about it. That's an improvement, right?

~Amalia~

It's Tuesday!

I forgot to mention two things the other day. One, I went without chocolate for almost two weeks... until I accidentaly had a glass of chocolate milk on Sunday. I say accidentally because it wasn't until I was done the glass that I realized it had chocolate in it. I was doing so well, too! Of course now my motivation to avoid chocoalate is shot, which explains why I made chocolate chip cookies last night. I forgot what the other thing was I was going to tell you. Maybe I'll think of it later.

It seems like it has been a long time since I posted quotes that my students have been amusing me with. Would you like some more? I hope so, because here are some things I have been overhearing lately:

• "I wish I knew how to say, 'I don't give a ratt's butt in English. [pause] I mean, French."
• "Dude the cops were looking for you last night. Where did you go?"
• Boy 1: Ms. Monroe likes looking at me because I'm pretty.
• Boy 2: Dude, you just called yourself pretty.
  
• Boy 1: Yeah, it means handsome, you know? Good lookin'.
• Boy 2: Dude, you just called yourself pretty. You're gay.
• Student: where do you want me to put this textbook?
• Ms. Monroe (pointing to the double stack of textbooks each 16 t4extbooks high): Right there.
• Student: Okay, I'm dumb. Sorry.

Speaking of students, a former student of mine (a dropout) made headlines today. Another student is nursing a biology injury - she got poked in the eyelid with a scalpel. The scalpel had a severed grashopper head on it! Can you say infection? My kids are going crazy!

When does vacation start?

~Amalia~

The Promised Pics

POW/MIA (Prisoner of Wedding, Marriage in Action)

• I know it has been over a week since I posted last. I really do MISS posting - I just haven't had more than two minutes to myself to type. Since so much has been going on, I thought I'd just post in bullet format today. To organize the events of the last eight days into any kind of order is just about imporssible. So enjoy the bullets of my life:

• Rembember the saying, "the best laid plans of mice and men..." or something like that? I think in my last post I wrote about how hectic my Friday was going to be. Well, everything went well until I got to the drive to Brownville part. I actually got to the tanning and chiropracter appointments early. I was making grat time! Then, as I was driving home, my car broke down. As in the engine konked out and would not go again. I was thirteen miles from the nearest town in a place where no cell phone gets reception. What was I to do? The only thing I could do, really. I got my purse, locked my car, and started walking. Down one of the most rural roads in Maine. In a jean skirt, heels, and dangly earrings. I think thirty cars passed before someone finally stopped and drove me into town so I could call Bear to come get me. Ugh. The irony is that later that night, when he brought me back to my car to see what was wrong with it, it worked fine. As in started right up and had no problems. As in can't take it to the garage unless you can duplicate the problem. So I'm driving it still, but I have no idea when and if it is going to break down again.
• When we finally did get to my parents' house, it was a morning of chores and then off to my aunt's house for my cousin's graduation from college party. It was great to see everyone, and even GREATER to get a list of what people are bringing to my wedding for food. Cold sandwhiches, taco salad, BBQ meatballs, bread pudding, all yummy and all FREE! I also talked to Lori, my cousin who is performing the ceremony. She is going to be great - we went over what we are going to say and she liked the vows Bear and I picked! Now Bear and I just have to memorize them...
• After the party, it was back to my parents' house for more chores. Bear painted chairs while I took the John Deere out for a three-acre spin. I mowed most of Grammie's lawns and remembered where most of the big rocks were....
• Bear and I camped out down to the pond (where the ceremony and reception will be). It was the first time in a tent all year, and we slept great. I can't wait to camp again!
• While in Gardiner, Daddy and I talked about where the canopy, porta potties, and cooking area will go. We got the float in and talked about when the gravel will be coming in to level out the ground. Bear and I will go back down as soon as the gravel is there to help out.
• The school year is almost done; I am teaching my last unit of the year. I'm trying to get everything together for finals, get papers graded and figure out what the rest of the year is going to look like. I have a ton of work still to do.
• I got the butcher paper "tablecloths" that we will be using for the wedding. I rolled the butcher paper cart into my room and cut off seventeen tables' worth of paper. I'm a thief, I know, but no one will miss it and it will really help me out.
• The poetry anthology my students created went off to the publisher on Thursday. It will be ready on the fifteenth. I can't WAIT until the kids see it! I spent hours and hours putting everything together (the table of contents, the format, etc.) and it looks great (if I do say so myself).
• Memorial day wasn't spent honoring any veterans (although I have the utmost respect and honor for them)... it was spent at AC Moore and Wal Mart and IParty getting stuff for the wedding - ribbon, balloons, toys for kids to play with (I bought crayons, squirt guns, pinwheels, a frisbee, tons of cool stuff). I made out quite well, actually.
• I tried on my dress again - it fits a little better, although I could still lose some fat around my hips to make it drape a bit better. I still have no idea what I'm doing with my hair, though. Any ideas?
• Lawns are forever needing to be mowed, I got my vegetable garden in, laundry is piled up waiting for sunny days so I can hang them out. I try to spend part of each afternoon outside working. Today was dump day - Snake brought his truck and we took two loads of stuff to the dump. It will look so much better around here once all that crap is gone! The only major thing left to do is burn the brush. Hopefully that will be done soon.

I think that's about everything. We took pictures of the wedding dress so I will post them in a few minutes. I still have to make my hair and nail appointments and find a cute outfit for the wedding night and for leaving the reception in. Any ideas about that?

~Amalia~

WARNING: Chaos Ahead!

Somedays I feel like my life needs warning signs. Not so much for me, but for everyone who has to deal with me when my life gets crazy. Take this weekend. Today is not too bad - one meeting afterschool, pick a few things up from the grocery store, then home to mow lawns, hang laundry, and do dishes. Tomorrow, however, looks like this:

1. Ten minutes before the end of the school day, sneak to the bathroom and apply my tan excellerator lotion. Put my clothes back on and go back to my classroom. (1:55)

2. Sneak out of school five minutes before the bell rings. (2:00)
[note: the principal walked into my room right as I typed that - eek!]

3. Rush to the tanning salon for my twenty-minute tanning session. (2:25)

4. Throw my clothes back on, rush to my chiropracter's appointment. (2:40)

5. Lay under heat packs for ten minutes, get adjusted, pay my bill (3:00)

6. Rush home, watching out for moose, deer, rabbits, and turkeys (3:40)

7. Get the mail (3:45)

8. Throw camping gear, suitcase, pillows, extra blanket, book, music and snacks into the car (3:55)

9. Give Zedd a quick snuggle, spray Shota's cage (3:58)

10. Drive to Bear's work (4:13)

11. Put camping gear, suitcase, etc. into Bear's car (4:15)

12. Drive to my parents' house, getting dinner on the way (6:45)

13. Arive at my parents' house, set up tent, relax for the night (8:00)


You can tell just by looking at my schedule that I am going to be stressed. It's even worse than it looks because Bear gets out of work at 4:00, and he HATES waiting around for me. I may try to save some time by packing the camping gear in his car tonight. Then I'd just have to pack the suitcase. However it works out, I'm going to be so focused on getting everything done that I am abrupt with people. It never fails that when I am abrupt, people think I'm angry or that I don't like them. *sigh* I just won't have time to smooth ruffled feathers! Does that ever happen to anyone else? Have you ever been in a rush and had someone make a stink about how your "mood is bad"? How did you handle it? I usually apologize, even though I don't feel like I should have to.

~Amalia~

My Uterus is Dumb

So I just went nine weeks without a period, and this time I went two. Seriously, my uterus is dumb. What gives? Ugh.

Bear and I are doing better this week, thanks to several big blow-out arguments and more gentle conversations. I think we are both so stressed about the wedding and money that we have begun to take that stress out on each other. It's not right, and we are trying to overcome this. I have begun walking in the afternoons when I can (I walked 2.6 miles on Friday) so that my stress level is down, and he is trying to be a bit more appreciative of the work I do around the house. I figure the more we do good for ourselves, the better we can be for each other. That makes sense, doesn't it?

We did not go to my parents' this weekend because it rained too much to get anything done, so hopfully we will go this weekend. It is going to be a short trip, though, because Bear and I are dying to get into the woods. I think Saturday or Sunday night we will be camping. My job for the week is making sure everything is ready - the sleeping bags, tent, eating utensils, etc. Of course you know what camping means, don't you? S'MORES!

~Amalia~

Oops, I did it again...

Friday night Bear and I took a spontaneous trip North to visit his God parents. They live in Van Buren, a town three and a half hours away from us. It was a long drive, but a good one; Bear even let me sleep for an hour or so. We got there pretty late, but on Saturday when we woke up, there was much to do. Breakfast of potatoes, eggs, and moose steak started our day, and then we were off to his God sister Kelly's house to socialize. Kelly has three kids and they are FULL of energy. They got me on the trampoline (a mistake, my body informed me later) and craziness ensued. It was a pretty good time, all things considered.

when we got home that night, I was tired. It wasn't until I was ready to head to the shower that I realized we had forgotten the ditty bag in Van Buren. Everything I needed was in it - my prescriptions, shampoo, conditioner, hair brush, toothbrush, lotion... and there is nothing open for 50 miles, so I'm stuck. Of course I blamed Bear for it. It must have been his fault, he had it last! He said it was my fault, that I was carrying stuff out to the car, too, so I was equally responsible. I shouted at him, he shouted at me, and I got boiling mad. So did he. Finally, he stormed off to the office and I ran into the bathroom. I immediately started bawling. I hate fighting, I hate yelling, and I was really upset about not having my things (especially my birth control pills). I would have just cried myself out if I had been left to my own devices, but I was loud enough that Bear heard me. Poor thing, I don't think he knew he was about to get himself into.

Some things you should know about me: one, I hate not being in control, and two, when I am upset, I prefer to be alone. Something about not showing weakness in front of people, I think. Anyway, Bear opens the door to the bathroom and sees me sitting on the toilet, my head in my hands, bawling my eyes out. I'm not a pretty crier - my nose gets red, I hyperventilate something awful... in short, I look and sound like I'm about to choke. Bear was still irritated, so he shouted, "What's wrong now? Why the hell are you crying?" I was crying too hard to answer him. I couldn't look at him, because I knew this was stupid, that I'd be fine in a minute if he'd just go away. I hate it when people are angry with me for crying, too. My mom used to do that all the time and it scarred me. I don't think it's right to yell at someone when they are crying! Wait until they are done, THEN yell at them.

After a few moments of me not answering him, Bear tried to make me respond. He grabbed my arms and hauled me up on my feet. Normally that's not a big deal, but he grabbed hair in the process, and that hurt. He kept saying, "Tell me what's wrong! Look at me! Answer me!" I truly think he was more worried at this point, because I could barely breathe I was hyperventilating so badly. all I knew was that he was restraining me. I fully freaked out. I haven't had a full-fledged freak-out session in years. Basically what happens is I start screaming and fighting like an alley cat to get away. I'm not articulate - all I can yell is, "Go away! Stop touching me! Let me GO!" over and over again. I don't remember exactly what happened, but I know I pushed him, tried to pull away, stomped on his feet, anything to get away so I could run again. Bear wasn't having any of it. He must have realized that I wasn't myself, because after a bit he stopped being mad and became really worried instead. He pulled me to him and rubbed my back, pushed my hair back away from my face, and just chanted, "Breathe. It's okay. Calm down. Breathe." Of course as soon as my brain registered he wasn't angry anymore I wrapped my arms around him and hung on for dear life. He really is the best source of comfort around. Eventually I was calm enough to blow my nose and get a drink of water.

Once I was calm(er), I tried to explain why I was so upset. Mostly, I said, it was because we were shouting at each other (something we rarely do), but also because life seemed very out of control at that moment. I didn't have my things and no matter what, I wasn't going to have them. The combination of those two things sent me into a crying jag. Then I explained about the freakout. I apologized for scaring him. It wasn't his fault, really, that he made me tweak out - the blame for that belongs on the men I've dated previously. Two men, Chad and Dan, used to pin me when I cried to make me stop. Against a wall, on a bed, wherever I was. They were always angry, and they always made it worse. The last time it happened, Dan actually grabbed my chin with one hand and forced my eyes open with the other. It wasn't pleasant. It seemed that Bear was going to do the same thing there for a minute, which is why I started screaming.

Thankfully he didn't, and I was able to return to my senses. He apologized for yelling, so did I, we hugged some more, things got better. I'm more embarassed now than anything. I hate for people to see me like that, to know what depths I'm capable of sinking to. I am writing about it so that I can put it in perspective. Bear still loves me, I still love him, the wedding is going on as planned, hopefully it will never happen again. If I can show him the worst of me and he still loves me, then I've got him hooked. So thank you, Bear, for helping me see that even in my worst moments, I'm still worthy of being loved.

~Amalia~

Updates

I haven't written in a week. I'm sorry. I don't know what has come over me. Rather, I should say I could mention many things, but I don't know which thing in particular has caused me not to write.

The weather has been beautiful all week, so each night when I come home, I go outside. Laundry, gardening, raking, you name it - I've done it. I love the daily changes my garden makes. In this flower bed, my crocuses are coming fast and furious. At the back of the house, the tulips have almost blossomed. In my vegetable garden, the chives are sprouting and I think I've noticed one cucumber plant bud, too. In the flower garden, the poppies I spread a week ago are already showing their heads and I have two buds from my stargazer lilies. Excellent.

While at school, I have been monitoring the spring standardized tests that all English students must take. That requires that I walk around a room full of computers, watching students answer questions. This takes all of an 80 minute block. I do this two or three times a day. Ugh.

I finally finished The Onion Girl by Charles De Lint. It was good, even if it didn't end the way I expected. I was on the author's website yesterday and discovered that there is another book dealing with the same character - Widdershins. I'm looking for a copy in my local Border's this weekend.

Wedding stuff has been occupying my mind. I'm on the lookout for bridal party clothes, I still have to buy 14 vases, I have to steal a roll of butcher paper from school to cover the tables, my ring needs to go out for rhodium plating (it's looking rather yellow), I've been fighting with my mom about the cupcakes, I STILL haven't had my picture taken in my dress again. I started tanning this week, so at least that part is going well.

I got the news that I am being rehired for next year. In Maine, it takes two years before you are guaranteed your job - they can choose not to renew your contract for any (or no) reason. It is a nerve racking time. I am safe, for this year, anyway. I told Bear and that night he came home from work with a two liter bottle of Pepsi and a half gallon of my favorite ice cream. Another man might have bought flowers, but my Bear gave me what my heart truly desires. :)

~Amalia~

37 and Counting

So far, thirty-seven people have RSVP'd for the wedding. All of them will be attending. I have been so impressed with the speed people have returned the RSVP cards. I'm trying to keep an organized list of all those that have responded. Thankfully, theknot.com have a great tool for this. Have you seen our knot.com website yet? Why don't you mosey on over and sign the guest book while you're there?

There are a few things left to be done for the wedding, and to be honest, I'm not looking forward to some of them. The property my parents own is beautiful, but there is a lot of brush to be cut, lawns to be raked/mowed, trees to be cut down, dirt to be laid down, etc. I hate landscaping. Ugh. My mom called last weekend all chipper. "We need to organize a work party, hmmm?" She always hmmms when she is goading me. "Think of all that wonderful raking for you to do." I HATE raking leaves. It is the single worst chore in the world, designed to break my spirit and body. Gah.

I also have to find and buy the clothes for the bridal party. It's not too difficult a chore, but it is so hard to tell actual colors and sizes online. Thankfully they are all men, so shirts and jeans will be relatively cheap.

Bear still has not taken the photo of me in my gown again. I keep asking, but other things keep getting in the way. I'm anxious to see how I look in it since I lost all that weight. I tell myself that if I have lost enough weight, I can buy a sexy corset/bustier from Fredrick's of Hollywood. If not, I'm still going to buy some new clothes - probably a shirt that says, "taken" or "Mrs. Kinne." Why not? I thought it would be cool to have underswear for the honeymoon that says those things or "I do" or "bride." Turns out those things are expensive! A THONG costs $17! I bet I can make things cuter than that. I'm on the lookout for baseball T's that I can personalize with iron-on letters. If some of those letters make it onto my underwear, well, that's just an accident, right? ;)

Jeans Day, Quiet Afternoon, Catch Up

1. Fridays are jeans day in my district. I get to come to school today with jeans, sneakers and a hooded sweatshirt on, and I'm at least as well dressed as everyone else. I am more comfortable on these days than on any other day. Aren't jeans days the best?

2. I am covering the person who usually monitors in school suspension. It's just me, the suspended student, and my laptop in a brightly-lit flourescent room. It sounds boring, but the temperature is cozy, the kid is basically a good kid, and I have a breezy, fun conversation with another teacher via e-mail. All in all, not a bad way to spend a few hours on a Friday afternoon.

3. Because of my forced isolation, I am able to catch up with the newspaper - three days' worth of news! I read the horoscopes even though they are out-dated. I get caught up on the funnies, too. I offer the funnies to the kid in suspension, but he decides to color his shoes with bright markers instead. They look quite nice when he's done - all red, blue, yellow and gray. I think to myself that I wish shoes were sold in those colors.

Always Look on the Bright Side of Life [whistle]

A news story has been running in the paper the last several days about a three year-old girl who is missing. They have found her boots at different places in the river that runs behind her house, so the working theory is that she drowned. It's sad, a tragedy, yada yada yada. I feel bad, really I do. Details took a few days to emerge, but the mother says she went to the bathroom and shen she got out, the back door was open and the girl was gone.

Yeah, it's sad... but so what?

I know that I sound callous, but that isn't what I'm trying to say. I read the arcitles each day, and as the days went on, I started seeing things that didn't add up. For example, DHHS (Dept. of Health and Human Services) took the other child in the home, a one year-old baby away. Why? Then they (news reporters) were looking into the mother's background and mentioned repeatedly that the children had different fathers, and they had just moved to the areas (making them sound like transients). I started thinking - when did people stop believing in the basic goodness of others? I read the story the first day and thought, "Oh, the poor kid. It says she loved the river. Poor thing probably got swept away. It's not the mother's fault, though." But as each day passed, I heard more and more accusatory remarks. In the teacher's room the theories were running rampant: "I heard the mother'd been busted for drugs." "Some sicko probably snatched her and threw the boots in the river to throw off the scent." "The mom has a new baby, she probably was sick of the older one." I'm not kidding - these are actual comments made by (seemingly) educated people.

Why can't the story just be exactly what it is - a tragic accident? Should mothers not even be able to urinate without feeling guilty? What is the matter with people?! Dr. Spok said once that the simplest explaination is the most likely one. Although he was talking about transpoter malfunctions, I think that statement applies here. Calm down, people! Innocent until proven guilty, right? Don't blame the victim, right? RIGHT?! I hope the woman is cleared of any wrongdoing and that she writes a scathing novel about how judgemental people can be.

In lighter news, my cousin Jesse, an adult with autism participated in the annual Walk With Autism in Bangor this week. He was interviewed for the news. You can see the video of it here (you may have to click on the "video" link on that page - it's on the top right).